The Power of Friendship

Let’s start the new year off on a positive note by talking about friendship.
As we made the rounds of holiday parties this season, we felt blessed by the people in our lives; enriched by the friendships that make life worth living.

These are the people who make the stresses of daily life melt away and renew your faith in humanity.
I’ve mentioned before that I have  several groups of friends who meet for breakfast, lunch and the occasional happy hour and dinner.
Some know each other. Some don’t.
But all of them have something in common: they tend to care about the world, they tend to be involved in the community and they tend to be smart with sharp senses of humor.
In short, good people.
Really good people.
The older I get, I find myself valuing my friends more and more.
I also find I have less tolerance for toxic people.
Over the holiday break, I listened to a  TED Talk by the director of a Harvard study on male happiness.
The study has tracked a group of men from childhood into their 90s. The cohort includes people from all walks of life, including a U.S. president (whom the speaker did not name).
The happiest and healthiest people were those who made and kept good friends and those who felt connected to a community.
Not only were they happier and healthier, but they handled adversity better including tolerance of physical pain.
It’s an interesting study and very validating.
As we launch into yet another election cycle with candidates slinging shots at each other, each other’s supporters and even the cities they seek to lead (Delray is too this, Boca is too that) it would be nice if we added some gratitude to the mix.
No, we are not perfect. But we sure have a lot to be proud of and a lot to be thankful for.

I plan to support the candidates who get this very fundamental idea. And those who seek to unite: not incite and divide.
I do look at who is supporting who because I tend to support the judgment of my friends—especially in a non partisan election. And thank goodness local government is non partisan. We’ve seen what hyper partisanship has done to our country. Let’s make sure that does not happen here.
Because not much gets done when it does. And whatever gets done gets undone when the other side takes over and in time they always do.

There’s a term we will hear more and more in the New Year. It’s called hyper localism. It refers to the notion that the action is devolving to the local level where collaboration is possible and where solutions are often achieved.

So give me candidates who want to grow the tent, not shut people off. Give me candidates who listen to their neighbors and work side by side with those who roll up their sleeves.
Give me people who understand that community is about relationships and friendship. Those who understand that a key role of a leader is to grow those relationships and that sense of community.

That’s what makes a happy community. And friends, a happy community is a productive community. An unhappy community gets stuck, defensive and lost.

As I made my way around the holiday parties I ran into contributors who served this town and gave so much of themselves to this place we call home.
The architect who has served on countless boards and saved historic homes. The former mayors who never went away and went on to lead non profits and community groups. The retired city staff who still care and formed a team that created a very vibrant place. The business leaders and young entrepreneurs who invest, build, create and dream. Really good people.
Special people.
The people who make us happy.

I’ll end with a tribute to old friends too. Those from childhood that I was also able to connect with over the break.
One visited from Wisconsin. We’ve known each other since we were five. It’s amazing. We connect instantly despite the distance. Despite the years. Despite the separate lives.
I also spoke to two old friends: one from Virginia and one who lives in California. We all grew up together, spent our summers chasing tennis balls and girls, listening to music and exploring New York City.
I miss these guys but the years melt away and the friendship renews with each call. It’s like we are meant to be lifelong friends, these connections made as kids follow us into middle age.
I hope you have friends and find friends in 2018. We will live longer, happier and healthier lives if we do. We will also create a happier, kinder and safer world.

 

In Praise of Volunteers

Have you driven by Delray’s municipal beach lately?
It’s going to be a bit of a mess for awhile but when the dust clears the A1A “promenade” should look great.
Which is a good excuse to say thanks to the Beach Property Owners Association better known as the BPOA.
If my recollection is correct, the BPOA worked on the Beach Master Plan for the better part of 8 years. That’s a long time. Lots and lots of volunteer hours.
Architect Bob Currie donated his time and talents to the effort and so did the board led by President Bob Victorin–one of the truly great people who live in Delray.
It’s the volunteers who make our city so immensely special.
Their love of Delray is palpable and can be seen in every corner of our community.
Dedicated citizens bring energy and resources that can’t  be measured to the effort of building a great community.
It really does take a village.
Recently, I had the occasion to have dinner with three all time Delray greats at 50 Ocean.
While two of the three–former Police Chief Rick Overman and retired Officer Skip Brown–were city employees, their success was driven in part by their ability to attract and effectively deploy a slew of volunteers. The third gentleman was the one and only Perry Don Francisco, former owner of Bostons on the Beach, who became legendary for his community service over the years. In fact, Perry is still working for the community through Delray Citizens for Delray Police. In addition to a sensational banquet honoring longtime police employees (held last weekend) he’s still deeply involved in the holiday toy drive and when the chips are down –as they have been recently –you can always count on Perry to be there.
It’s here that I will note that while his wife grew up in Delray, Perry has always lived just down the street in another city. So for those city commissioners who cavalierly suggest that only residents should be able to serve/volunteer on city boards I respectfully disagree. Take a measure of where someone’s heart resides. If it lives here, it doesn’t matter where the head hits the pillow.
But I digress.

Let’s just say that Perry’s been invaluable to countless lives in our community. Mine included.
Chief Overman and Skip have also been invaluable.
Rick was a force of nature who came to Delray and created a department that became a farm system for future chiefs and legendary officers who made it possible for Delray to succeed.
Without a great PD there would be no Delray as we know it. It’s just that simple.
To quote someone in this story who shall remain nameless: Delray was circling the bowl before it made the turn.
My contention is it doesn’t make that turn without a great Police Department and some terrific city staff and yes volunteers and business leadership.
So as we enjoyed the ocean view from a restaurant once owned by Perry and swapped old stories I sat there in awe of three local legends.
And realized that all three employed volunteers to help them succeed. Rick and Skip and a few others launched and managed a remarkable volunteer effort at the department. An effort that earned national and international accolades.
But it wasn’t just PR. No, the accomplishments were real and lasting.
MAD DADS led by Chuck Ridley and Ben Bryant helped a great set of cops decimate the drug trade in Delray.
Skip’s volunteers–1,300 at its height–were something to behold. They still are.
And Perry set a standard for involvement for all other business leaders that may never be matched. Right up there with him are people like Frank Wheat, Bill Branning and Cathy Balestriere—contributors who give and give. P.S. those three don’t live here either. But we don’t have the Delray we know without them.
What a legacy.
Which brings me to The BPOA.
The association has a long history of engagement and advocacy.
While they are chartered to look after the barrier island, in my experience they have always pushed for the the betterment of the entirety of Delray Beach.
I’m glad to see dirt finally being moved on the Beach Master Plan. It’s been a long slog. It didn’t have to be, but that’s the subject of another column or my next book. Maybe both. Let’s just say the improvements don’t happen without them.
The volunteers work hard. They care.
And that makes all the difference.

Connections Make or Break Communities

This column is devoted to volunteers and the Delray Beach Police Department.
We are lucky to have both.
A generation ago, in a city that seems far, far away from the Delray of today, the Police Department made voluntarism a major objective.
It changed everything.
Back in the 80s, the perception of the PD might have been the biggest issue in town.
That changed with the advent of “community policing” a philosophy that sought to engage the community in crime fighting by asking officers to get out of their patrol cars and get to know the neighborhoods. In turn, residents and business owners also had a role. They were asked to work with the department. Public safety is best achieved in partnership. When there is trust, communication, honesty, collaboration and relationships progress is virtually guaranteed. When those elements are missing you are inviting trouble.

So this story is about two people who embody both sides of the coin.
One was a volunteer and the other is a sworn officer and a real good one at that.
Charles Goldberg died Jan. 14.  He was in his 90s, had moved out of Delray to be near his children but I kept in touch with him on Facebook.
I will tell you that keeping in touch with wonderful people across the years and miles is a lot better use of social media than whining about petty local politics.
But I digress.
I absolutely adored Charlie.
So did everyone.
He always had a smile. He always had a kind word. He was a lovely, kind and happy man.
And he was wired to volunteer.
There really is a  lot of truth to the notion of a “greatest generation.”
After 9/11–after it was discovered that many of the terrorists were living in Delray we were frightened. Next door in Boca, there was anthrax. It was a remarkably tense time.
Officer Skip Brown, our volunteer coordinator at the time, came up with a brilliant idea. Let’s protect the Homefront by creating a force that would patrol sensitive and valuable public assets like the water plant, City Hall, the library and other potential targets.
Many, if not most of the Homefront security patrol were World War II veterans. Skip designed sharp uniforms with berets and provided training.
Charlie was an instant volunteer and an instant star.
For years he patrolled–serving as eyes and ears with other wonderful volunteers.
When I was elected mayor he would visit me in my office on the second floor of City Hall and he always greeted me with a smile, a kind word and a promise: “I have your back young man. Don’t worry about a thing.”
And so he did.
There are smiles and then there are smiles. And friends, Charlie’s smile belonged in the Hall of Fame.
Thinking of him will always make me smile–and knowing that I won’t see that smile on Facebook anymore brought a tear to my eye as I wrote this.
I adored him.
More importantly, he adored us. And he served us. Very very well.

It was gratifying to see the volunteer tradition continue this week as I saw Scott Westall recognized for his tireless efforts. Scott is a terrific guy (and his wife is pretty terrific too). It makes you proud to live here.

Which brings me to my friend Gary Ferreri.
I had the privilege to attend the PD’s quarterly awards ceremony this week which featured an array of awards and promotions and even recognition of two newly sworn officers.
I wish these ceremonies were televised because they’re great. And taxpayers would benefit by seeing and hearing about their officers.
Among the awards given were lifesaving recognition to officers who helped save a woman who stabbed herself multiple times in the neck and chest and an officer who jumped into Lake Ida to save a face down motionless 81 year old man who fell in and almost drowned while fishing. All in a day’s work…
We saw a deserving John Crane-Baker promoted to captain and then watched as Detective Ferreri was promoted to sergeant in front of many many adoring friends, family and fans.
Gary is a good guy. I’ve been watching him for a while now and I’m impressed.
He’s a natural leader, smart, dedicated and devoted to the community, his department and his fellow officers.
I enjoy watching promising leaders grow and it’s gratifying to see someone you believe make a difference and be rewarded.
When I think of the best officers I have known over the years, they come in a variety of styles. There’s tough and gruff with a big heart, there’s smart and strategic and there’s in between.
But what they all have in common is authenticity. They aren’t fake. They are passionate about their work and the communities they serve.
Gary has passion in abundance.  For his job, for his community, for his fellow officers.
He has a feel for people which is why he connects to the community and why so many came to see him get his sergeants stripes.
Connection. That’s what it’s about.
Relationships, trust, respect, communication and consideration.
As Maya Angelou once said: long after they’ve forgotten what you’ve done, they’ll remember how you made them feel.
Gary knows how to connect. And that’s why he will enjoy an impactful career.
He’s real. And that’s everything.

Fifteen Years Gone: 9/11’s Local Perspective

Proudly worn by volunteers

Proudly worn by volunteers

Sept. 11, 2001 was the shock.
Sept, 12, 2001 was the start of the realization that our lives, our country and our world would be forever different. Over the coming weeks, 15 years ago, we would discover just how different our world would be.
Anthrax came to Boca Raton when a man died opening a letter.
We discovered that at least seven and possibly nine of the 19 terrorists were living in Delray Beach. Another three were living in Boynton.
They were at our library. They lived in the Hamlet, went to a local gym, were seen poolside at Laver’s and filled a prescription for cipro at Huber’s Drugs. One of our officers, Tom Quinlan, responded to a call about a dog bite and later learned that the bite victim was ringleader Mohammed Atta.
I worked in a building a few yards from the AMI headquarters in Boca at the time of the anthrax scare which came a week after the attacks. Bob Stevens, who worked for the National Enquirer, was the first victim of anthrax when he opened a letter containing deadly spores.
It was a surreal scene. Nobody wanted open their mail.
At the time, our Fire Chief Kerry Koen had encouraged city commissioners to ride on fire trucks and hand out treats to children on Halloween. The year before the event was a smashing success. Children throughout  Delray Beach were excited to see the big red engines.
But in 2001, the event was a little different and as soon as it got dark, the department started getting calls from people who thought the sugar that spilled from lanterns holding candy was anthrax and the same engines that elicited cheers and laughter were now called to investigate whether there was a deadly toxin in our city.
But Delray Beach was a strong community back then. You don’t really know that until you’re tested.

A few months prior, the city had won a second all America city award becoming the first city in Florida to do so.
At that time, the civic fabric was strong and there was unity. And Delray had a knack for turning challenges into opportunities. The City had confidence. There was just a feeling that whatever was thrown our way, collectively we would figure it out.

Dealing with the aftermath of 9/11 was a huge challenge. But we had a great mayor at the time, David Schmidt. He was an attorney, soft spoken, polite and professional. But he was also resolute, very smart and exhibited strength in a way that was calming. I sat next to him on the dais and I liked him. But watching him closely– seeing how he handled different situations –turned me into an admirer. David handled adversity with dignity and strength. We were blessed to have him as our mayor during that trying time.
As a community we gathered at Old School Square and at the Community Center to pray and to mourn and to just be together with our neighbors. We sent some personnel to ground zero including Russ Accardi a high ranking member of our fire department.
It was in these difficult moments that we found strength in each other. And that is community. It’s heart. It’s love. It’s caring and I think –because we are Americans –it’s also about taking action–doing something to make things better.
And so Skip Brown, a police officer, and himself a wounded Vietnam veteran, formed the nation’s first Homefront Security volunteer program.
At the time, we had well over 1,000 active volunteers at our police department. Many more at our Fire Department too. From this pool of dedicated citizens, largely retirees, Skip formed a special unit and tasked them with patrolling our public assets: water plant, sewer plant, city hall, library, parks, Old School Square Etc.
They wore sharp uniforms that included a beret. They looked amazing. Many –maybe most –were veterans, many were World War II veterans–well into their 70s but very much representative of the “greatest generation.”
They really were different.

Selfless. Tough but kind. Service oriented. Resilient. Wired to give back, to serve and protect, as our Police and firefighters are.
We took great comfort in seeing these men and women around town. They were trained to report suspicious items and their presence lifted our spirits when we needed them lifted.
I lost a childhood friend on Sept. 11. His name was Michael Boyle and he was a firefighter, like his dad. He was off that day campaigning with his best friend for a city council candidate. But when they heard the call, they heeded it and rushed to the scene to be with their brothers and sisters. Mike was never seen again. He was 37 years old.
Last year, my wife and I went to the new 9/11 museum. Since opening in 2014, 7 million have visited. More than 28 million people have visited the memorial in downtown Manhattan. We found Michael’s name along a reflecting pond. One of 343 firefighters lost that day.
This weekend as we marked the 15th anniversary of the attack, I read a bunch of articles and saw a great documentary on Flight 93 on PBS. In two of the stories I read, one about Marisa Di Nardo, the other about Welles Crowther, a 24 year old who lost his life going back up the stairs to bring others back to safety there were parts of the story that noted that both had premonitions, Marisa about her death and Welles that he would be part of “something big.” And I wondered if my childhood friend Michael experienced something similar. I’m not sure we will ever know. Or if it really matters, or maybe it matters a lot. Maybe we are supposed to listen to that inner voice or feelings.
There’s a sculpture inside our main fire station on West Atlantic that honors the 343 firefighters lost that day. It was dedicated in the wake of the tragic day. Last week, on Facebook, my friend Skip now retired in Alabama, posted pictures of his Homefront volunteers. Some are gone now. But I remember them and so do others. They comforted a community that needed to be comforted. President Bush, Governor Bush, Mayor Guiliani  and others acknowledged their work with visits and words of praise. Media from all over the world covered their service. And that’s all great stuff. But the larger message is one of community. One of love, service, commitment and courage; about rising to the occasion when the rain comes.
We find ways to cope, both individually and as a community when tragedy strikes. We find solace in family, friends, religion, country and community. And that’s what I’m reflecting on this 15th anniversary.

A Woman Of Grace

Julia Kadel

Julia Kadel

I believe in serendipity.

So I was having a sad Tuesday—nothing fatal or even particularly meaningful—just the blah’s when I got a Facebook notification from my friend and neighbor Julia Kadel.

Julia and Jeff live around the block from us and their oldest son is best friends with one of our boys. They grew up together. He’s family and we love him.

So just as I was taking a break and reading more bad news about the Middle East over a boring sandwich, I clicked on the Facebook link and saw a link to a video that you can see in this post.

Take a few minutes and watch. I promise you it’s worth it.

Ok, pretty moving wasn’t it? And impressive too.

Julia and Jeff are the founders of The Miracle League, which last year celebrated a decade of ensuring that all children can play baseball regardless of their ability. For over 10 years, the Miracle League Association has made it possible for children all over the country with physical and mental disabilities to achieve the same dream as their healthy peers – to play ball.

The kids play on a cushioned synthetic turf to help prevent injuries, and the league has wheelchair accessible dugouts and a completely flat surface to eliminate any barriers to the wheelchair bound or visually impaired. Thanks to the Kadel family, all kids in our community can play the great game of baseball.

A decade ago, the Kadel’s approached the City Commission with a heartfelt and passionate plea to help them create a Miracle League field in Delray Beach. I was mayor at the time and all of us had tears in our eyes when Julia got done speaking. We gave them some seed money and told them we would love to see the Miracle League build a field at Miller Park. Within months I was throwing out the first pitch. The league has been going strong ever since.

With help from private donors, scores of volunteers and assistance from the county and other groups Julia, Jeff, their kids and others have made it happen and brought joy to children and families that simply cannot be measured.

At the heart of the effort is Julia…always Julia.

She’s filled with passion, boundless energy and goodness. She’s just a beautiful person.

A woman of grace.

I stole that term from the Bethesda Hospital Foundation which recently awarded Julia that coveted honor. How fitting– because she epitomizes the word.

Whenever the chips are down or there is need in this community or beyond, the Kadel’s are there to volunteer. When Tropical Storm Sandy devastated Julia’s native New Jersey, she and her family packed the SUV and drove off to help for weeks at a time. Her giving isn’t passive and it’s not for show. It’s from the heart and she’s an example for all of us.

We talk a lot about being a “village” in Delray but frankly sometimes I open my Facebook app with apprehension because parts of the social media landscape can be a sewer full of lies, garbage, petty complaints, threats and various forms of adult bullying. I ignore it. You should too. But social media more to offer;  it’s filled with good stuff too.

I can connect with my cousin in California, my sister in law in Pittsburgh, my high school friends, my favorite elementary school teacher and people that I have worked with throughout my career and it’s a joy to have even a tenuous connection—to see their kids, their dogs, their vacations etc.

And sometimes on a blah Tuesday, a beautiful soul such as Julia can “tag” you and share a video that will make your heart swell because there are people like her in the world doing really good things for other people. Lord knows there’s enough people doing harm in the world.

Watch the video. Give to the Miracle League. Brighten someone else’s day. It’s easy to make it rain in someone else’s life, but it’s also easy to make others smile and much more meaningful to roll up your sleeves and help those who need you.

Thanks, Julia. You are goodness personified and a community treasure.

Visit https://miracleleaguepalmbeachcounty.com/ for more information or to get involved.