Living The 4 S’s

We just went to a great event celebrating the important work of 4 Kids, a non-profit whose mission is to help children in crisis find a safe place to live.

I’ve been impressed with the leadership of the organization for quite some time and I owe my friend Karen Granger a debt of gratitude for introducing me to the world of 4Kids. We have a lot of children in our community who desperately need our help.

Karen, who used to serve as the president of the Delray Chamber, works for 4 Kids. She’s been a wonderful ambassador for the organization and has convinced several of my friends to get involved.

My company, CDS International Holdings, helped 4 Kids find office space in Delray and we are so proud of the work they are doing which has made it easier for families in southern Palm Beach County to access critical services.

I’ve been especially impressed by 4Kids President Kevin Enders, who has run the non-profit for the past five years.

Kevin comes from the private sector and he brings a business like focus to the mission while also exhibiting a great passion for children. It’s a great combination of heart and business rigor.

At the event–held at the magnificent Waterstone Hotel in Boca Raton—Mr. Enders talked about what makes an organization work well.

Borrowing from the work of Dr. Curt Thompson, author of “Anatomy of the Soul,” Kevin reminded us that people need four things to feel whole; the 4 S’s.

They need to be “seen”, they need to feel “safe”, they need to be “secure” and they need to be “soothed”.

I was touched by that formula and it’s been on my mind ever since.

And while it applies to non-profits, I think it also works for businesses, families and communities too.

So let’s spend a moment unpacking the formula.

People need to be seen.

We have a need to feel valued, respected, loved and understood. It’s important that we take the time to do so.

But while awards and official recognition are great, it’s the daily care that matters the most. In our busy world, it’s easy to glide through the day and neglect those we love and value. We need to be conscious about “seeing” these special people and letting them know how important they are. This is a simple concept, but so often we fail. Just this morning, a friend reached out to let me know they hadn’t heard from me lately. I felt terrible about it, but I was grateful to be made aware. We need to tend to our relationships.

Likewise, we all suffer setbacks and it’s important that we are soothed by our community or organization or family when the inevitable trials occur. I can personally testify to the power of soothing to heal the body and the mind. When I was seriously ill with Covid, the messages of support I received helped me through the ordeal. Love heals.

In addition, we need to feel safe and secure in our homes, communities and careers.

The trait I most value in a teammate or a co-worker is the ability to feel that I can make a mistake or  that I can be vulnerable and say I need help.

I’m fortunate to be surrounded by a team that allows me to learn and doesn’t make me feel bad or in danger when I turn to them and say “I can’t figure this out, can you help?”

Organizations get in trouble when people feel that they can’t make a mistake and that they have to pretend they know it all or risk their role. In reality, there’s a lot of wisdom in saying you don’t know what you don’t know. Smart people ask for help, not so smart people pretend they know it all.

I think the 4 S’s are a good prism to assess where we are in the various parts of our lives.

What are we getting and what are we missing in our jobs, communities, volunteer efforts etc.

I think a major issue in our nation is our inability to see others, especially those who are different or hold opposing views.

Similarly, it seems like the other S’s are related. It’s hard to feel safe, secure or soothed if you are not seen. The four go together.

I’m sure there are many other things we can think of as must haves. But the four S’s seem like a solid start.

I hope you have them all—-in abundance. And if you don’t, I hope you work hard to bring these traits into the lives of others.