25 November, 2024 14 14 Comments

The Greatest Gift

November 25, 2024 By 14 Comments

Orlando Reunion 2024.

Thanksgiving thoughts…

Aside from family, I find myself most thankful for friends.

I’m just back from Orlando where I met a half dozen friends for a reunion weekend. All but one of us turned 60 this year, the lone exception being Dave who is 59 and skipped a grade.

We don’t hold his youthful inexperience against him.

I’ve known Scott, Dewey, Ben, Howie, Joe and Dave for 50 plus years. We were boys when we met.  We’ve gone through every stage of our lives together.

It’s been 40 plus years since we last saw each other daily. We live far away from one another in places like California, Wisconsin, North Carolina, New York and the great state of New Jersey.

There have been marriages and kids, career changes, triumphs and losses. We’ve seen a lot together and apart.

When I looked around the dinner table where we gathered to share wine and stories, I thought of all the places we’ve been, all the things we’ve accomplished, who we’ve become and how we got here.

Combined we have traveled the world, been awarded patents, started, bought and sold businesses, raised kids, stared down bullies and took some crazy risks and luckily lived to share some cautionary tales. We have a great many stories…we are each other’s memories able to fill in gaps that otherwise would be lost to so many days gone by.

Favorite teachers, girlfriends who broke our hearts, dreams we chased, music we enjoyed, bars we frequented, parents and friends we’ve lost.

These days we are talking about off-ramps. When and if we can retire, how we worry about our children’s futures, how much we love them and how different they are from us at a similar age.

We’ve been getting together for these reunions for a while now. But this one felt different, more settled, more joyful and more appreciative. We know how special this is, we know how fragile too.

Most of the time our affection for each other has gone unsaid. We are guys after all. But this time we acknowledged how meaningful these friendships have been. This time we talked about how much we are thankful for this brotherhood we share. We are each other’s collective memories, we have each other’s backs, these are the men we can call in the middle of the night and know they would be on the next flight out.

Yes, these are my brothers. We will be there for each other until the end.

There’s comfort in that thought.

So much of life is impermanent. It’s a fast-paced world. It’s nice to know that at least one thing won’t change—our friendship. And when we leave this world, that won’t change either.

We managed to stay in touch through the years, but our friendship got tighter during the pandemic when Dave organized bi-weekly “Zoom happy hours” that continue today.

The early calls focused on the glory days and whatever happened to so and so, but eventually it morphed into discussions of current events, politics, sports, careers and family.

When I see these guys, I can still see the boys I met in 1970s Long Island. But I also see the men they’ve become and when I listen to them opine on the great issues of our time, I feel a sense of pride.

These are intelligent and thoughtful men. These are good people. I’m proud of them— in so many ways.

And then someone will tell a gross joke and for a moment I’m 16 again excited about my rusty old Mustang, hanging out with my buddies in Ben’s kitchen sharing New York style pizza and thinking about the next good time. The road and the possibilities seemed endless in those days.  It was all ahead of us….

I’m fortunate, I’ve made lots of friends over the years. I’m in touch with college buddies and met them for dinner a few months back on Atlantic Avenue. I kept up with a few old work colleagues and made lots of friends in and around Delray.

I love them all.

I’ve also lost a few friends over the years and drifted from others too. It happens, I suppose. But I’ve been lucky in this part of my life. I’m thankful for special people.

I know there’s a crisis of loneliness in America. The Surgeon General has labeled loneliness a public health issue.

There’s a lack of community these days. I’ve seen the change in Delray, which used to be a more social place.

But I don’t think we’re an anomaly.

These days we are lost in our phones, struggling to make ends meet, caring for our children and our parents, hustling to keep our heads above water.

It can be exhausting. But we find renewal in friendship. We are energized by the intimacy and the closeness of our best relationships.

So, I’m grateful for these moments with friends. The calls, the texts, the infrequent in-person reunions, the occasional meetups over lunch at Papas Tapas, Granger’s and Wood & Fire. This is what makes us rich.

This holiday season I hope you’ll connect with friends and family.

Maybe seek out an old buddy or two.

As I think about this last reunion, I have a few parting thoughts.

First, I cherished every moment of our time together. I felt present, not distracted.

We are getting older, we’ve had a few close calls, we’ve all lost parents, a few siblings and people we went to school with.

We are thankful for what we have. (Even the sophomoric insults have charm when you’re not sure when you will see each other next).

When we were kids, my buddy Scott and I talked endlessly about the future.

One time, or maybe more, I put on an old Simon & Garfunkel album that featured the song “Old Friends.”

The song imagines two old pals sitting on a park bench.

Old friends sitting on a park bench like bookends, their memories brushing the same years.

They note how strange it is to be 70.

I told Scott when we were teenagers that someday that would be the two of us. We would meet on that proverbial park bench and reminisce.

We are a decade away.

It’s getting closer and closer.

That notion once seemed so far away, but now it’s almost here. I can see the bench.

And I’m thankful that we may just get there—together. All of us.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

26 August, 2024 37 37 Comments

On Turning 60

August 26, 2024 By 37 Comments

My wife and a dedicated team of bakers, icers and friends made these. They are delicious.

“The file labeled me isn’t finished.”
I saw that sentence somewhere recently and I wrote it down a few hours later because I couldn’t let go of the thought.

I don’t remember where I saw those words, but they spoke to me like the best sentences do.
I just turned 60.  Today.

It’s a number. Quite a number. There’s more road behind me than ahead, but still it’s just a number.
It feels like you blink and decades of your life flies by.

Childhood, high school, college, first job, marriage, kids, career—love and loss. Laughter and tears.
Plenty of laughter, plenty of tears.

I think many of us live on three planes—the past, the present and the future.
We reflect and we remember. We take the day to day as it comes. We meet our deadlines and we strive to honor our commitments. We decide what  to leave in and we decide what  to leave out.  We try and think ahead. We invest our hopes in a better tomorrow.

That hopeful mindset is how I navigate the world. I look back fondly and often, I try  to be present and I dream about tomorrow.
But when you hit 60, there’s a shift. Tomorrow— which is never guaranteed — is here.

Earlier this year, my friend Randy sent me a chart with rows of chairs -10 across- representing each decade of life.
There are 8 rows that most of us feel we can be around to experience, the 9th row is in red, because making it beyond 90 is tough.
That chart has both haunted and focused me ever since he sent it.

I just entered the 6th row. There are only a few rows left —if I’m lucky. Moreover, within those rows is the logical conclusion that the age I am now will be better than the years ahead. I’ve been told by older friends that aging isn’t for sissies. I believe it.
But there’s something liberating about this stage of life.

I find myself happy with where I’ve been and where I’m at. I take joy in those I love. I’m surrounded by friends, have meaningful work and feel pretty good.
I’ve decided to let some things go, try a few new things and spend as much time enjoying the goodness in this world. And there plenty of goodness in this world.
Give me family, friends, pets, music, a good book and good conversation. I don’t need things but I want and crave experiences. And I want to make time for what’s important. As my friend Scott Porten says..we’ve got things to do.

For me, that’s time with my wife and best friends, visits with my children, travel to a few places, time in Maine, writing and learning all I can because this world fascinates me.
I’m also going to remain involved in the world via the Carl Angus DeSantis Foundation, which is the most inportant work I’ve done in my life. To find this kind of work as a career capper has been a blessing. Philanthropy has reawakened my passion for trying to make my corner of the world a better place. That I get to do this work with a wonderful teammate, a supportive board and in the name of a man who changed my life is an honor and a blessing. Carl DeSantis was so good to me and to so many others. I miss him beyond words.

I’m at an age where I’m sometimes asked for advice. And truth be told, I’m flattered and I always want to help but I’ve lived such an unconventional life that I feel I can’t offer a recipe, only a template.
Say yes to things that scare you.
Try new things, it’s ok to fail as long as you learn.

Surround yourself with people who lift you up, fulfill you and inspire you.
Try and see others and encourage them. Dare to love passionately. You will suffer more than a few broken hearts but you will survive and love again.
Everything I just wrote is a cliche. But it’s all true.

When I left college I got a newspaper job, I barely knew what I was doing and I was intimidated by the veterans that commanded the newsroom.
Newspaper reporters are great characters, and this group seemed so competent and confident. They were grizzled, and I was young, naive and far from confident. But I faked it until I made it.  I listened, I learned, I threw myself into the job and studied the greats sitting near me and working in other newsrooms and in time I got better.

When I went into business for myself, I was terrified. But I figured it out —in time.
When I went into politics, I was way, way over my skies but I joined a team that nurtured me and made me look like I knew what I was doing–at least some of the time.

Post politics I helped start a magazine, briefly owned part of a newspaper (a longtime dream), worked with a dear friend in public relations, did a lot of consulting work and freelance writing and then ran into a legendary entrepreneur who changed my life and asked me to help him with a little beverage company he believed in by the name of Celsius.

I wrote two books, a play, this blog, stayed with Carl’s family office and went into real estate and a slew of other businesses ranging from a hot sauce to whatever else caught my friends eye. What a ride!
And I was unprepared for all of it. I made all sorts of mistakes and invented a few along the way. But each day I woke up and vowed to do better.

Now we are diving into philanthropy in a big way, because big is what  Carl was about. He roared like a lion- literally. But he was humble too.
I tell my partner at the foundation that we are building the plane while flying it. We don’t know what we don’t know.
But isn’t that wonderful ? Isn’t that life?
I’ve been blessed.

And if it all ends tomorrow I’ve lived a good life.
Hopefully it won’t end quite yet and while I have great faith that there is something beyond this, I guess we really don’t know. But that’s one area I do have confidence in, I’ve found living proof. I’ve seen things, glimpses of something beyond. I know there’s meaning to this life. I’m keeping the faith.
The file is not closed on any of us if we learning from the past, believe in the present and focus on the future.

Thanks for reading and allowing me to share my life with you.

25 March, 2024 1 Comment

For Jimmy

March 25, 2024 By 1 Comment

James Steinhauser was a beloved friend and colleague.

I lost a friend last week and it hurts.

Jim Steinhauser was a month shy of his 89th birthday when he passed March 21 at Bethesda Hospital. We worked together off and on for more than a dozen years, brought together by the master of team building: Carl DeSantis.

We lost Carl in August.

Mr. DeSantis was a legendary entrepreneur and the magical person behind the success of two-multibillion-dollar businesses—Rexall Sundown and Celsius.

Jimmy was at Carl’s side for a big part of the ride. Both figuratively and literally.

 

Technically, Jimmy was Carl’s driver and all-around helper. But he was much more. Confidant, partner in adventures, researcher, social director, personal shopper, buddy.

Jimmy was front and center in every important meeting and was introduced often as a marketing executive.

He was consulted on everything, which was the Carl way. Mr. D was an inclusive leader and Jimmy was an eager participant and valued contributor.

 

Carl and Jimmy wandered the Delray/ Boca byways scouting out properties and hunting for opportunities. Those opportunities ran the gamut: billboard locations to promote Celsius and Tabanero Hot Sauce, where to buy comfortable shoes and, of course, the latest nutritional supplements.

Those two were something to behold; one minute they were saying how much they loved each other and the next they were bickering like an old couple. We thought they were endlessly entertaining because they were funny and underneath it all was loyalty, friendship, love, and affection. They were a pair.

 

In the evenings, Jimmy and Carl would visit their favorite restaurants where they would hold court, trade ideas, tell stories and plan the rest of their week. They were incredibly generous to wait staff and they knew everyone.

I loved being a fly on the wall for scores of these meetings. We laughed, arm wrestled and traded ideas and stories. We dreamed. Together.

 

We also took some trips: Vegas, New York City, and an arduous Poseidon like boat trip to the Bahamas.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas as they say.

As for that Bahamian voyage, let’s just say there were lots of prayers and texts to loved ones back home as we navigated waves that grow with every telling. We even dodged a plane and some crazy weather on our flight back home. As soon as we landed, the plane broke down. You can’t make it up.

 

Through it all, Jimmy was a constant.

Always there. Always reliable. Always quick with a joke and always able to share something with you that he just learned.

Now he’s gone. And the world feels a little different, a little emptier without him. That’s how it goes when you lose a friend.

 

I will note that Jimmy and I were opposites politically and we have different religions.

I mention that not because it was important to us (it wasn’t) but because we live in a time where people are being sorted and divided.

You stay with your kind, and I’ll stay with mine. You are supposed to fear me, and I’m told to fear you.

But none of that mattered with Jimmy. What we had in common and what we liked about each other was paramount.

 

We shared a love of America. We shared a love of New York.

He was from The Bronx like my parents were. He got a kick out of that connection.

We talked about sports, history and yes religion. He loved golf, listening to services on the radio and was proud of his Hyundai Genesis.

 

When Carl passed away seven months ago, Jimmy seemed lost.

He retired, but still came by the office in downtown Delray for brief but oh so sweet visits.

 

When we threw a retirement party for Jim and a beloved colleague he didn’t show. He wasn’t feeling well. We all worried about him.

 

When we visited him last week at Bethesda to say goodbye, he was wearing a BiPap mask. I recognized it immediately. It’s the same uncomfortable device I wore almost four years ago during my Covid battle. He was tired because it was hard to breathe, and that device is so darn hard to wear. Like putting a hurricane on your face. A hurricane that digs into your cheeks, ears, and the bridge of your nose. I could tell he didn’t like it.

 

But he lit up when he saw my two companions, wonderful women he worked with for over 20 years.

Jimmy loved these women. And they loved him back. This was the group that brought the word “family” to life in Carl’s family office. They looked out for each other. They are more than co-workers, they are family.

 

Carl was the catalyst who made this magic happen. We were blessed that he put us together. But nothing lasts forever. That’s a hard lesson to learn. But the finite nature of life makes its impermanence precious. We must strive to savor the moments.

We can always count on change. Death and taxes too.

But death does not end a relationship. The memories and the love endure.

 

Jimmy loved his CDS family, and we sure loved him.

As I write this, my mind is flooded with stories about this special man who was a constant for years—until today.

People get old, the song says.

People get old.

Love them while you can.

And if you have a chance to say goodbye make sure you do.

We told Jimmy that we loved him while we held his hand and looked into his eyes. We thanked him for his life, for his care and for the laughs. We told him that he was a good man who lived a good life.

And with one last squeeze of his hand, we left the room with faith that we will see him again.

 

Thanks Christina

The weekend also brought news that a Delray Beach staple, Christina’s in Pineapple Grove will be closing.

I’ve been a customer of Christina Betters for decades…back to the Gleason Street Cafe Days. She runs a great restaurant and Christina’s became a go-to place for countless breakfast meetings.  I miss her hospitality and her dog Vinny too.

We are watching a series called “The Bear” which is an inside look at restaurant life. I’m told by people in the business that the show is very realistic. Running a restaurant and having longevity in that industry is truly a remarkable feat. So we wish Christina the best and we wish her some rest as well.

Thank you for years of wonderful hospitality.

Here’s what Christina put on Facebook.

“As I close my doors for the final time, I want to express my deepest gratitude to all of my loyal customers who have supported me throughout the years.

I will cherish the memories I have made and the friendships that have blossomed over the years.
I have enjoyed watching your children and their children coming to eat over the years.
All your dogs have brought happiness to me and other patrons.
Our time together may be coming to an end, the love and appreciation I have for each and every one of you will for ever remain in my heart.
Thank you so much for being a part of our story and making it a memorable one.
Love always and forever Christina and Vinny.”
19 February, 2024 4 4 Comments

More Of The Good Stuff

February 19, 2024 By 4 Comments

I found the sweatshirt on Amazon. Didn’t order it, but will try the words on instead.

During a recent weekend trip to New Smyrna Beach I saw a guy wearing an interesting t-shirt.

Using my trusty iPhone I discreetly took a picture so I could decipher the treatise he displayed on his shirt.
Here’s what it said:

More Music. More Love.

More Sunsets. More Kindness.

More Road Trips. More Hugs.

More Fun. More Peace.

More Wandering. More Art.

More Laughs. More Dreaming.

More Adventures. More Happiness.

More Concerts. More Smiles.

More Freedom. More Creativity.

More Movie Nights. More Life.

I can’t argue with a single word. 

I didn’t see what the back of his shirt said but maybe it was a companion list of what he’d like to see less of. 

That list could be endless. But that “more” list… well that’s kind of special. I can’t stop thinking about it. 

Recently a friend told me about the four pillars of life: work, family, love and spirituality. Build all four pillars and you’ll find fulfillment. 

I can’t argue with that. But I do think life is a journey not a destination and your work continues until you can work no more. 

Anyway, I think I will keep the t shirt list nearby and use it as a guide. 

Last week, as I perused the news I became momentarily overwhelmed: Ukraine, inflation, lawsuits , predictions of a depression in the 2030s and Russia getting some crazy weapon we don’t have an answer for yet. It can drag a person down. It can make you want to cut that t shirt up and chuck it all. 

Not me. I’m not going down that path. 

So I did when I usually do when I’m feeling on the brink, I hugged my wife and lost myself in some music. 

“Late Night Willie Nelson” popped up in my Spotify feed. Yes! A brand new Willie album that features the amazing Norah Jones and Wynton Marsalis. 

And I thought how lucky are we to be alive right now. 

If it all ends tomorrow–and I don’t think it will– we will have been around to listen to The Beatles, we heard Joni Mitchell sing and listened to lyrics by Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen and Paul Simon. 

We got to see Patrick Mahomes play QB, Roger Federer glide around a court and Michael Jordan soar through the air. 

We got to go to the movies and watch Brando command the screen and we got to see the most perfect romantic comedy ever: “When Harry Met Sally.”

We see people cured of cancer who were once sentenced to die and we see foster children find permanent homes because of our own 4Kids of South Florida. I can go on and on. What a wonderful life. 

The same day I saw the t shirt, I stood on a beach at night with my wife and her family. My family.  I adore these people.  I listened as my brother in law Paul pointed his phone toward the heavens and opened an app that told us what constellations we were looking at. I marveled. 

Such a night. It’s such a night. 

Sweet confusion under the moonlight.

As I write this I am listening to Willie Nelson sing Stardust. Friends, it doesn’t get better than this. 

So let’s add more stargazing and more Willie to that t shirt list. 

More gratitude too. 

Reunions

Remembering our time in Oz while enjoying Elisabetta’s.

Recently, I reunited with three guys I went to college with at Suny Oswego.

I hadn’t seen two of the guys for 38 years—ever since we left the shores of Lake Ontario to embark on this mystery ride, we call life.

We managed to stay in touch via Facebook.  I watched their lives unfold on social media. Birthdays, trips, graduations. It’s fun to keep tabs.

But seeing each other in person was special.

We met at Elisabetta’s on Atlantic Avenue, and we wore Oswego State baseball hats to mark the occasion.

The hats served as a calling card, and we had at least six people come to the table to present their SUNY bonafides. This one went to Cortland, another one went to Oneonta, and one had a friend who went to Oswego. It was fun to compare notes.

Seeing people after 38 years apart is an interesting experience. Last time, I saw Joe and David, their entire lives were ahead of them. Last time I saw Stu was 10-12 years ago when we met at Brule in Pineapple Grove for a beer.

I’m proud to report that everyone did well in life and love. They are successful professionals with happy marriages and kids who are doing very well. I found myself taking pride in these guys—I had seen them when they were young and wild. And we shared those stories, filling in details that one or more of us forgot. It was fun to relive those days—pre-cell phone, one computer on the floor of the dorm, when Prince, Madonna, Michael Jackson, and Bruce Springsteen ruled the radio.

We spent our nights at the Tavern and on Bridge Street and quite honestly, I don’t remember talking much about the future. We were living in the moment, careening from good time to good time. It was a special time in life.

Anyway, we vowed not to wait another 38 years to get together (the odds aren’t that good for us to make it) and I certainly encourage you to reconnect with old friends. It was a very memorable evening and I must say these guys loved the Avenue, which also made me feel good.  I went home at 9:30. They were just getting started.

15 January, 2024 4 4 Comments

Love & Light

January 15, 2024 By 4 Comments

 

Today would have been Martin Luther King’s 95th birthday.

Each year on MLK Day, I make it a point to listen to a speech, read something he wrote or take a stroll through his famous quotes. MLK has been a hero of mine, even though I was not quite 4 when he was assassinated in 1968 at the age of 39.

Each year, I think of Dr. King in the context of ‘the dream’ and whether America or my own community is living up to the ideals he outlined during his famous speech.

I think it’s obvious that we aren’t there yet. The promise of the United States remains a work in progress.

And that’s OK, because as Americans we are responsible for working toward a more perfect union and since perfection may be unattainable our jobs are never done. But we are called to never give up, to never stop striving to live up to America’s  ideals.

Those ideals—all men (and women) are created equal, the pursuit of happiness, freedom, Democracy—have inspired people all over the world. Those ideals are to be cherished and protected.

This year, on my hero’s birthday, I fear for America’s future and for MLK’s dream. I don’t think I am alone.

And so, in reading some of Dr. King’s most famous quotes in the wee hours of this morning I was struck by six gems which meet the moment.

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”

“We may have all come on different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.”

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

“Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability but comes through continuous struggle.”

“A lie cannot live.”

Yes, that’s only five. But if you stay to the end, I will share the 6th.

When you read MLK two words rise above the others. They are the themes of his life, and they are evergreen. Love and light–those words will never be archaic or wrong.

And yet we are lacking both in our world right now.

We cannot remain silent. We are in the same boat now.

In this new year, I will be looking for love and light. I will strive to help those who are struggling to build a better world.

Last week, my colleague and I visited Boca Helping Hands, a wonderful charity that brings so much light to our community. We heard about programs designed to give people the skills they need to build better lives. It filled our hearts with light and hope.

As you enter the facility, there’s a saying carved into the front desk: “give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Indeed.

As we moved through the facility and saw the bustle of volunteers hard at work, a long line of cars lined up to receive a bag of food and a hot meal. They are the working poor, or as the government characterizes them ALICE (Asset Limited Income Constrained Employed).

They are our neighbors—our brothers and sisters.

Yes, in our “wealthy” community there remains great need.

The recipients of the food were getting sustenance and a dose of love. Another program provides children with nutrition to get through the weekend. Yes, children go hungry in our community. These are our children.

When the kids are given food to take home, they are receiving love and light provided by an army of volunteers and philanthropists who shine brightly and love greatly.

Love and light. That’s the beauty of MLK. A bullet may have ended his life but his work endures, which is why I saved the sixth quote for last.

“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”

It’s just that simple.

13 November, 2023 0 Comments

Second Chances….

November 13, 2023 By Leave a Comment

Recently, I went to an open house at a nonprofit called The Second Chance Initiative.

I was swept away.

It was my second visit to Second Chance’s warehouse like headquarters in Boca and both times I left there deeply moved by the nonprofit’s mission and the work being done by women overcoming obstacles so they can rebuild their lives.

There is so much good work being done in our communities. Much of it is done quietly and without fanfare, but lives get saved and that’s what matters.

Some of you may know that I serve as a trustee for the Carl Angus DeSantis Foundation https://www.carldesantis.org/. It is an amazing honor to do this work. Carl was a generous and kind man. Those of us involved in the Foundation are deeply committed to extending his legacy and his strong desire to help people.

Giving people a second chance in life was a value that Carl believed in. He related to the underdog and always rooted for the David’s in their struggles against the Goliaths of the world. I don’t know the root cause of that sentiment, but I think that Carl thought of himself as an underdog in many ways. He itched to take on the giants—whether it was competing with the big players in nutrition or challenging the leaders in the energy drink space. Carl was always up for a good challenge.

One time, he went to Mexico and tasted a hot sauce. He came back with the recipe and a plan to take on Tabasco.

That’s how Tabanero was born, right here in Delray Beach. Today, Tabanero is poised to make a run at the big players in the field. The little brand with a big taste is already at Walmart.

But as much as he loved business and the challenge of taking on the champs, he truly loved helping those who needed a second chance.

So, when a friend from Delray told me about the Second Chance Initiative, I was all ears. Second Chance is dedicated to changing the trajectory of women’s lives. The program enables women in recovery to work toward self-sufficiency by breaking what they call the “cycle of shame” that often leads to relapse.

Second Chance believes that work can contribute to well-being. In the small warehouse in Boca, women in recovery produce mugs, ornaments, and tumblers that they sell on Etsy. Proceeds get funneled back into the program which also teaches job skills and provides a supportive and loving community for women rebuilding their lives.

When a colleague and I conducted a site visit to the check out the program a few months ago, I committed a terrible faux pas. You’re supposed to observe the program, ask tough questions and be dispassionate, but we met some of the women and we heard their stories and I found myself….well… I found myself choking up.

I was touched by the stories of women who lost it all—families, children, marriages, homes, careers and their self-worth. And I was moved by the stories of how this program is helping these women rebuild their lives.

They are getting a second chance. They are finding a community of compassion, and it’s powerful to witness. You can feel the love that goes into every coffee mug; it sounds goofy but there’s magic unfolding in suite 312 in a warehouse district on Boca Raton Boulevard.

And so, I thought, my friend Carl would love this mission. It had it all, stories of people overcoming obstacles, women learning business and life skills so they can live good lives. And they were making cool products that I knew the “product guy” in Carl would really appreciate.

Luckily, the board agreed with our recommendation to fund a gift.

When we returned for the Open House, we were greeted by a group of women working at Second Chance. We were treated to amazing stories of resilience by those who “graduated” and are doing well—one day at a time— and we met several friends who support this mission.

This time, I didn’t tear up, but my heart filled with joy. This was a joyous experience, and I was grateful that my friend’s generosity made it possible to help others.

I’m falling in love with philanthropy. I’ve been on the asking end as a board member raising funds for local nonprofits for decades and that’s been fulfilling too. But giving is extra special.

We are trying very hard to make every hard earned dollar count, to honor Carl’s memory and to help people and communities thrive.

When I come to my office, I long to share what I’m seeing with my friend, who made this all possible but he is no longer here. When I shared that sentiment with a co-worker, she assured me that Carl knows what’s happening.

I believe he does too. And I believe that we are going to do a lot of good.

For more information on the Second Chance Initiative please visit https://her2ndchance.org/

If you need holiday gifts for the office or home Shop Directly https://her2ndchance.org/pages/shop-us-direct or visit the Etsy Shop at https://www.etsy.com/shop/SecondChanceMugs

Use Code GIVE20 to save 20 percent.

 

Rest In Peace

This week, we remember Cathy Arts who passed Nov. 6.

Mrs. Arts was the wife of my friend Mike Arts and the mother of my friend Peter. Both Mike and Peter are well-known for their public service, but Mrs. Arts was a major contributor to the community as well.

She served as a past president of the Palm Glades Girl Scout Council, past chair of the Florence Fuller Development Center and past president of the Boca Raton Historical Society.

She will be missed by many.

We also lost a dear friend Sister Mary Clare Fennell.

Sister Mary Clare led St. Vincent Ferrer School for years. I fell in love with her spirit of kindness, her sense of humor and her beautiful Irish brogue. She became a touchstone for me and so many others. When she retired and moved back to Ireland, I wrote about her for this blog. Here’s the link. https://yourdelrayboca.com/until-we-meet-again/

The title of the blog was “Until We Meet Again.” We had talked about going to Ireland and visiting. But once again life took over and we never did take that trip. I regret it, but I have a feeling we will meet again. Sister was a guiding light in this world; a positive, compassionate and loving soul. I’m glad she went home to her beloved Ireland, but wow did she make a mark right here in Delray Beach.

Open photo

 

We also extend condolences to Roy Simon and the Simon family on the loss of Mary Elizabeth Simon.

Mrs. Simon was involved in the committee that created the Delray Affair. She was also a Jubileer and was involved in our library and St. Paul’s Church.

May her memory be a blessing.

 

 

14 August, 2023 32 32 Comments

Our Carl…

August 14, 2023 By 32 Comments

Carl DeSantis (1939-2023)

Note: My mentor, friend, partner, employer, teacher, confidante and all-around inspiration Carl DeSantis passed away August 10. He was 84. And even though I knew it was coming and thought I was prepared, I found myself devastated when I got the news while traveling in Maine. Carl was a bright light in so many lives. And as word got out, I began to receive a slew of calls, texts and emails sharing stories from people whose lives had been changed by this wonderful, generous, and kind man.

Everyone processes grief in their own way, and my way is to write out my thoughts. I stayed up late the night I heard the news and the following words poured out.

I want to share my thoughts with you as a tribute to a man who taught me so much and in the hopes that his life provides lessons for us all: to be kind to everyone, to be generous (his favorite saying was “good begets good”) to dream big and never be afraid to go after those dreams. My friend Carl lived a big life, he had big dreams, big appetites, and the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. But he was also very simple too: he was proud of his family, loved his friends and lived to bring a smile to the faces of all who crossed his path. And so it was…he was a gift to so many.

 

What can you say about a man who changed your life?

A man who changed so many lives.

So many lives….

Great people change the world’s they inhabit and even when they leave this world, their impact, their care, concern, work, ideas, love, and friendship remain. They continue to brighten our lives for having lived so well.

Carl DeSantis was an amazing man. Just an amazing man. We throw that word around frequently, but Carl was truly wondrous. He believed in miracles and made them happen. He believed that anything was possible and if he was involved that was true.

He made a dent in this world and all I can say is look out heaven because your newest resident is one of a kind.

Our Carl always found a way to beat the odds; again and again with a smile and a style all his own. He made us feel good about life…and he modeled generosity, kindness, and love. Oh, there was mischief too…but always in a good and gentle manner. He was a good and gentle man.

But he was also a force of nature. A whirlwind of energy and ideas.

Great people make things happen; even the seemingly impossible.

They blow away the status quo and transform people, industries, and communities.

My friend Carl DeSantis did all those things and more. “And more”…he said those words often.

“Celsius does this and that” we would tell him. And he would say “and more” and those words went on the can for a while…..we had a lot of different cans and a lot of different words on those cans. Because Carl always wanted more. G-d bless him.

 

He saw further, he dreamed bigger, he took huge risks and he always wanted more for everyone in his universe. Carl was always climbing mountains. Always looking for worlds to conquer, new problems to solve.

When I speak to people who know and love Carl—and to know Carl is to love Carl—the first word they often use to describe him is “generous.”

Carl was always looking for ways to help people. All people, literally everyone he came across.

He sat with titans of industry, and he treated them the same as the person who bussed his table or cut his grass. He loved people. And they adored him because he was respectful, and kind and he stood out from the masses because of those wonderful traits.

If you told Carl that someone was ill or hurt, he would often well up with tears. He had the biggest heart.

If you were lucky enough to be in his orbit, you would quickly describe your life in the following way: Pre-Carl and Post-Carl.

If Mr. D saw something in you, he would change your life. It was just that simple and just that wonderful.

Great men like Carl make a lasting splash and the ripples of that splash go beyond anything that even someone with his infinite vision could have conceived of.

So yes, those of us in his “inner circle” were the most fortunate, but his vision, his investments, his entrepreneurial spirit changed entire industries and impacted the world.

He made his first fortune by transforming the vitamin industry with Rexall Sundown and then he revolutionized the energy drink category with Celsius. His vision, his resilience, his belief and his old-fashioned moxie benefited thousands of employees, vendors, retailers, suppliers, shareholders and partners. And millions of consumers….

My friend was a game changer.

And his vision will continue to transform our world as the next generation of Carl’s ideas and investments grow and succeed. Tabanero hot sauce, hatched after a visit to Mexico (“let’s take on Tabasco!” he said and here we are), real estate, restaurants, office buildings and more. And more. Always more.

There’s no doubt, Carl was a world-class entrepreneur…and others will chronicle his many successes in the coming months and years. But I want to talk about the man.

I met Carl over 20 years ago at a charitable function in Palm Beach. Someone pointed him out to me and said it would be a good idea to walk over and introduce myself. So, I did. I had known of Carl, but I had never met him.

We spoke at that event for a few moments—moments, not minutes— and despite owning property in Delray we never interacted when I was an elected official. But my phone rang when I was term limited and so my adventure with Carl began.

He saw something in me. And that’s how he works. At Rexall Sundown, he hired an ex-narcotics detective to run sales because he saw something in that man—and he was right. He hired his driver and good buddy Jimmy because he had a good feeling about him. Many of us at CDS International Holdings were brought into his world because he saw something in us, that maybe we didn’t even see or know about ourselves.

Carl and I had many heart to heart conversations over the years. He believed that G-d had blessed him with what he called “an innate” gift…he knew what products would work and what would fail and he knew people.

He didn’t believe in pedigree, he believed in his gut instincts. So when he met Nick the police detective, he didn’t worry about whether he had a background in sales….he just knew that Nick would get the job done. And I guess when he met me, he knew he wanted me involved in his various adventures. And so I became a very lucky man and my story is not unique because so many can tell the same story.

Being in Carl’s universe is a magical experience….He didn’t think like anyone else, he saw the world differently… he was not afraid to dream big. He was a man of action and a man of endless courage and resilience.

From the outside, it may seem like Mr. D lived in a charm life and there is no doubt that he was blessed. But he endured so much…physical pain, injuries and setbacks that would have leveled a lesser man. But he met every challenge with strength and grace. We can learn a lot from his example.

A few years back, I had a near death experience with a terrible case of covid and violent pneumonia that ravaged my lungs. Many people came to my aid and saved me, and one of them was Carl. Because I learned from his example—I tried to summon his resilience.

During my time of need, Carl told me that he knew in his heart that I would make it…and I hung onto that intuition because I had seen that intuition work wonders. Carl believed in Celsius, when every expert would have said give up. Carl fought every health scare, when doctors would have told him that it’s not possible…he somehow made it through to live, laugh and love another day.

This last season of Mr. D’s remarkable life was not easy….but we witnessed his boundless courage, rock solid faith, remarkable strength and endless generosity even as we saw him slip away.

We saw these magnificent traits manifest themselves through his belief in G-d and Carl’s legendary capacity to fight through adversity. We saw it in his love for his family, friends and his angel Judy. And we saw it in his decision to set up a foundation so that we may help people for decades to come.

Today, those who love Carl have a hole in our hearts.

You see the special people in our lives fill our hearts to the brim, they enrich us in so many ways, and we feel their loss immensely. Losing Carl is like losing the rain…he’s been that fundamental to our lives.

Still, despite our sadness, we can take comfort that Carl is in heaven… we can rejoice that we crossed paths with this wonderful man, and we can resolve to learn from his example by continuing to do work that would make him proud and by treating people with kindness and dignity.

He will live forever in our hearts and deeds….

 

3 July, 2023 8 8 Comments

Love & Grace

July 3, 2023 By 8 Comments

Gracie recently celebrated her second birthday.

This is a story about love.

It’s a personal story, but I’m sharing in the hope that you may find something of value. Something you can apply to your own life.

So here goes….

As you know, COVID brought us unprecedented challenges, forcing people around the world to adapt to a new way of life.

The pandemic also ended the lives of nearly 7 million people worldwide, according to the World Health Organization.

I was almost one of those people.

It was nearly three years ago that I contracted the virus that put me in grave danger; clinging to life in the ICU at Bethesda Hospital.

During the 39 days I spent fighting to survive, I vowed that if I made it, I would spend more time appreciating the gifts that I’ve been given—a wonderful wife, a beautiful family, great friends and  meaningful work.

I’ve always been an appreciative person, but I feel things deeper now. In a weird way, COVID was a gift.

The disease reminded me that life is finite, and that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Of course, I knew this pre-COVID, but my experience of isolation in the hospital drilled that concept deep into my consciousness.

I’ve never been a materialistic person, but I wanted three things when I got out of the hospital: more time with my wife Diane, a getaway place in Maine and a golden retriever.

I’m still working on the time with Diane (there will never be enough) but we got a place in Portland and a Golden named Gracie came into our lives. As a bonus, we rescued a Chihuahua named Emmitt from a wonderful non-profit in Maine called Ellie’s Legacy Animal Foundation.

Emmitt

I share this because I hope it inspires you to be conscious of time, grateful for health and maybe open to bringing a pet into your life if you have the inclination (it is a major commitment).

Gracie just turned two and if you would excuse the pun, she’s a golden ray of sunshine. When Gracie entered our lives, she brought love, happiness, and healing to me in the post-COVID era. She brought our family even closer, because our children love her too and want to be nearby.

She’s a happy dog, always smiling. Always glad to see you. Always there with a hug (seriously, she actually hugs you).

She’s also goofy and like most pets full of unique quirks. She watches TV—but only shows that feature dogs, loves her little brother Emmitt, and has a thing for shadows. She likes to chase them.

I’ve had a few goldens in my life; my childhood dog Rusty was a shepherd-retriever mix, he was followed by Magnum, Casey and then Teddy. All of them were amazing—loyal, loving and fun.

But golden retrievers also shed (a lot), require lots of exercise and have been known to drool. Of course, their great qualities more than make up for having hair on literally everything that comes into the house.

When we lost Teddy, we were heartbroken. He was a soul mate as much as a pet. It’s hard to describe, but Teddy was so good that you had to remind yourself that he wasn’t a person. He was considerate—I’m serious he was.

When he got cancer, we did everything possible to save him and probably bought him a year. Losing him was devastating and we felt the same way when his 19-year-old chihuahua brother Randy passed away surrounded by family and our longtime friend and vet Dr. Jim Grubb.

So going down the emotional road again, post COVID was a big decision. But I told Diane that I’m just happier when I have a golden retriever in my life. Luckily, she feels the same way and so we brought Gracie into our home. She has filled it with love ever since.

But she and Emmitt bring something even deeper to our lives.

If we open our eyes, dogs teach us valuable lessons.

Gracie reminds us of the importance of living in the present. She teaches us to embrace joy and to find that joy in the simple things. She also reminds us to cherish the connections we have with others and to express our love and affection freely. Gracie’s unwavering spirit and boundless love are a constant reminder that even in the face of adversity, happiness is always within reach.

That’s a concept that I need to be conscious of because post COVID…. I’m different. I just am.

Recently, I read a story about the actor Jeff Bridges. He survived a cancer diagnosis and a terrible case of COVID that almost took his life. He spent 35 days in the hospital. I had him beat by four days, but our survival story had a lot of similarities. The intense struggle to breathe, the awful weakness, the searing pain, and the refusal to be on a ventilator.

But what shook me was his description of something he called “morning dread.” Mr. Bridges struggles in the morning. So, do I.

I thought what I have been experiencing was unique, but it isn’t. I did a little research after reading about Mr. Bridges’ case and learned that COVID does impact mental health; they call it post-COVID anxiety and studies are under way. I’ve shared with readers of this blog, that I struggled after I came home. I did some therapy via Zoom and it really helped. But that darn morning dread…. well it has persisted. It doesn’t visit every day, but it does come often and when it comes it’s not good.

Emmitt and Gracie help alleviate the dread. Their adorable faces are better than any prescription.

In the aftermath of the pandemic, Gracie and Emmitt have emerged as guiding lights, offering solace and unconditional love. These two goofy characters have brought happiness into our lives. They foster healing. They spread joy.

Gracie’s presence reminds me that even in the most challenging times, love and companionship can uplift our spirits and restore our faith. Through Gracie and Emmitt, I rediscovered that sometimes, the smallest acts of kindness—like a wagging tail and a wet nose—can have the most significant impact.

Note: I was saddened to learn of the passing of Joseph Lang, a veteran Delray Beach firefighter who retired in 2017 after 25 years of service.

Joe was a wonderful guy who served on the department’s decorated dive team and served as a driver/engineer.

He will be missed. May his memory be a blessing.
Finally, happy birthday America. Have a safe and wonderful fourth.

 

8 May, 2023 1 Comment

Gord’s Gift

May 8, 2023 By 1 Comment

Music as medicine.

We interrupt our regular programming to talk about the loss of Gordon Lightfoot.

The Canadian singer-songwriter passed away at 84 last week and I’ve been playing his music non-stop.

Each song perfectly crafted, every song a story, revealing truths that are universal and lasting. And that’s why the music of Gordon Lightfoot will endure.

Music is the most magical art form. The best songs reach into our souls and tap into something deep.

I’ve been listening to a broad range of Gordon Lightfoot’s songs this week, but I keep going back to “If You Could Read My Mind.”
The song was released in 1970 and 53 years later, after countless plays, it still packs a wallop.

In 3 minutes and 49 seconds, Gordon captures love gone wrong, failure, the loss of passion and the pain of being brutally honest. It’s not an angry song. It’s a love song. But he’s letting go and it breaks your heart.

In under four minutes, I’ve taken a ride with a master and the music allows me to better understand my own journey.

If you’ve ever had love and lost it, the song just slays because of its truth and its humanity.

This is what great art does—it touches us, shapes us, defines us, and makes us feel things we’d just as soon bury.

I’ve loved music for as long as I can remember.

But as I grow older, the songs reach deeper, and I find I need them more to help me understand a very confusing world. I am rediscovering old songs, listening to lots of new music and searching for songs that convey meaning.

It’s a happy search and when I find a special song or a promising artist, I want to share my discovery with my wife Diane. It’s like sending flowers that last forever.

My friend Blake shared something on Facebook after Gordon Lightfoot passed. It was from a column written by Bob Lefsetz. Lefsetz is one of my favorite writers because he angers and delights me often in the same piece. Here it is:

“I’m not talking about a performer. I’m not talking about an award-winner. I’m not talking about someone who is rich. I’m talking about someone who learns the basics and then walks into the wilderness, on their own journey, following their own compass, not someone else’s. And it’s got nothing to do with what you look like, but rather what goes on in your brain. AI (Artificial Intelligence) can create something that sounds like the past, but it can’t create something that sounds like the future, after all it’s based on scraping the internet, and the new, the bleeding edge, the breakthroughs are never there. No one can teach you to be an artist. Not even Rick Rubin. Sure, you can be encouraged, but more often you’re discouraged. The odds are too long. Your choices are bad. You’re not that good. But some stay the course and break through. That’s Gordon Lightfoot.

Decades from now people might not know Gordon’s name, but I guarantee you they’ll be singing his songs. Because they contain truth, and for that reason they are timeless. But it’s not only the words, but the changes and the vocals. Gordon Lightfoot had it all. I’d implore you to remember him, but his songs will do the work for him.”

Yes!

Those songs will do the work. They will endure. Mr. Lefsetz captures the artistic process, it’s about finding your voice, sharing insights, revealing truths—even if they are inconvenient, maybe especially if they are inconvenient. This is how we evolve as people.

Art endures.

Art moves us forward or makes us look back and truly see.

There’s so much noise in our world these days…so many distractions.

But art clarifies, explains, and raises questions too. Music enlightens, calms, excites, and touches us. It reminds us of our humanity.

And we need reminders.

“If you could read my mind, love

What a tale my thoughts could tell

Just like an old time movie

‘Bout a ghost from a wishing well

In a castle dark or a fortress strong

With chains upon my feet

But stories always end”

Yes, stories always end. But the music lives on.

13 February, 2023 7 7 Comments

Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2023 By 7 Comments

“We need joy as we need air. We need love as we need water. We need each other as we need the earth we share.” – Maya Angelou

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I’m thinking about love.

I’m listening to the late great Burt Bacharach and Bruce Springsteen and I’m listening to the universe too.

Because when I stop for just a moment, I hear, see, and notice things that I normally miss as I go from meeting to meeting, toggle from call to call and multi-task my way through life.

But when I slow down, I get clarity. I bet you do too.

Here’s what I noticed last week.

We went to see Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band in Orlando and I was transported once again by an artist I have been listening to since I was a young boy blasting my stereo in my room and dreaming about where life would take me.

His music still resonates, his words still matter.

“With her long hair falling

And her eyes that shine like a midnight sun

Oh she’s the one

She’s the one”

“She’s The One”  was released in 1975, when I was 11.

Back then, I just loved the music—the growl of the guitars, the beat of the drums. It was rock n’ roll and I was hooked.

As I got older, the words began to matter more. They began to mean something. And I started to wonder about the world. I began to dream.

Would I ever find someone who would make me feel —with every fiber of my being —that yes “she’s the one?”

But last week, when Bruce and the band launched into the song,  I looked at my wife and I knew—all over again—that yes “she’s the one.”

Same song. Same words. New emotions.

I slowed down, listened and I heard the magic.

On Thursday morning, I got up early to emcee an event for the Boca Chamber featuring two amazing doctors and the dynamic new CEO of Delray Medical Center.

I’ve done a lot of this kind of stuff over the years, but I still get nervous standing up in front of a large crowd. But it went well, and I was swept away by the passion of these health care professionals who are there for us 24/7/365/.

We heard from an oncologist named Mahdi Taha and a cardiologist named Eric Lieberman and I was moved by the care in their voices, their intelligence, and their message of early intervention. And I thought to myself: “we are so blessed to have these people in our world.”

We need more healers. We have enough dividers.

A few days earlier, a colleague and I made the trip to the Max Planck Florida Institute in Jupiter where a foundation I help manage is funding a fellowship in neuroscience.

We met with three brilliant scientists and an administrator for lunch and conversation. We toured the labs and watched experiments in real time.

It was captivating.

We were blown away by their intelligence, curiosity, and kindness. And I thought “someday we will have an answer for Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s and dementia, thanks to these brilliant minds.”

I am watching a dear friend and hero of mine struggle with Alzheimer’s and I am watching my beautiful and brave wife battle Parkinson’s and I am overcome with love for them and admiration for their strength and grace.

Strength and grace. Oh, how we long to see these traits in our leaders.

As I write this, we are in the middle of yet another brutal and demeaning election season in Delray Beach. Every year, it seems to get worse and worse, more personal, more visceral, in a word: stupid.

If you didn’t know any better, you would think we live in a hell scape.

We don’t.

It’s February and the sun is shining; the temperature is ideal.

We are surrounded by natural beauty, we have cultural and recreational amenities at our fingertips and despite the doom and gloom of the news the future is bright for us in South Florida.

I’m not blind to our challenges—we lack housing, our schools always need help and we have people who suffer from sickness, despair and  a lack of hope and opportunity.

And there is hatred in our society. It’s there.

Racism, antisemitism, misogyny, homophobia—and more.

There are people who wake up every day and live to bully, hurt, and tear down others.

The answer to all these problems and all the bullies out there is love.

I know that sounds trite, but sometimes trite is true.

One more example of what happens when you slow down long enough to notice.

I am on the board of Lynn University. It’s a joy, because the school is cool, innovative and most of all caring. The leadership team works well together. It reminds me of my days at the City of Delray Beach where I would marvel at the relationships between the various parts of our local government.

Where’s there’s trust, where’s there’s collaboration, you will find love and you will find success and progress too.

It’s not rocket science, it’s a simple formula but for some reason so elusive to capture and sustain.

Somehow egos, narcissism and bullies always seem to spoil the punch bowl.

We need to be conscience of these actors. We need to keep them away from the levers of power which they use to cause great and lasting damage. We need to insist on kindness and yes love.

I was on a conference call with Lynn’s President and his leadership team discussing how they engage students, how they try to be there for everyone and how they plan to reach out to local public safety workers to discuss the trauma they experience every day. It’s a team dedicated to serving others, a team dedicated to making the world a better place.

And I found myself energized just to be in their presence.

I noticed.

On this Valentine’s Day, I hope you’ll look around and notice too.

I’ll give my musical muse Bruce Springsteen the last word on this subject.

From the song “Land of Hope and Dreams.”

Grab your ticket and your suitcase

Thunder’s rolling down this track

Well you don’t know where you’re goin’ now

But you know you won’t be back

Well darlin’ if you’re weary

Lay your head upon my chest

We’ll take what we can carry

Yeah, and we’ll leave the rest

Well, big wheels roll through fields where sunlight streams

Meet me in a land of hope and dreams….

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