25 Days of Kindness

I saw a beautiful story the other day in “Downeast” magazine that I feel compelled to tell you about.

It seems that whenever I write about kindness it resonates. I hear back from you and that’s really cool.

Truth is, if nobody read this blog I’d write it anyway. But I have to admit that when you respond it’s special.

The story I read was about a police chief in Holden, Maine. Chief Chris Greeley passed away last year at the young age of 60. But he left a legacy that will ensure he will be remembered for a long time to come.

In 2017, he launched an initiative called “25 Days of Kindness,” which asked his officers to perform simple acts of kindness for the 25 days leading up to Christmas.

It could be as simple as buying someone a cup of coffee or giving a stuffed animal to a child or something a little larger like paying someone’s heating bill, which can be costly in a place like Maine.

The 25 Days of Kindness was an instant hit and soon neighbors and businesses got in on the kindness movement donating cash, gift cards, toys, clothes and the like. It became a legacy for not only the Holden Police Department, but the Town of Holden itself. There’s now an organization called 25 Days of Kindness. Here’s a link to learn more: https://25daysofkindness.org/

Chief Greeley believed that one small gesture could change a life. He was right. To date, 25 Days of Kindness has completed 10,115 acts of kindness and now serves 25 communities.

I think kindness is contagious. As a mentor of mine used to say: “good begets good.”
Indeed.

Locally, a civic hero named Chuck Halberg models this spirit. Chuck just organized a Thanksgiving turkey drive ensuring our first responders got to enjoy a little bit of the holiday while protecting and serving us. He and others are now all about getting toys for the kids who otherwise would go without.

Every act of kindness is powerful. Every act of kindness has the potential to create a ripple effect of goodwill. That’s a sentence I borrowed from the 25 Days of Kindness website because I believe in that sentiment with every fiber of my being.

I’ve seen it happen.

I think kindness is an underrated attribute. It doesn’t cost much, but it’s worth everything.

 

A Case For Grace

I’ve been thinking about grace lately.

Grace: What a beautiful word.

Sadly, there’s far too little grace in this world. We’d sure be better off if there were more.

We named our golden retriever Gracie because we thought the name was cute. But the name also felt right. Maybe subconsciously we were looking to add a little grace to our lives.

Last week, the Downtown Development Authority held a grand re-opening of the Cornell Museum at Old School Square.

Readers of this blog know how I and some 11,000 others who signed a petition feel about the City Commission’s decision to terminate the lease of the non-profit that created Old School Square and loved the place for 32 years.

The decision and how it was done was the opposite of gracious. It’s been ugly, expensive, and hurtful, in more ways than we can calculate.

The DDA is stepping into the mess created by this town’s toxic politics and while I do not believe government should be running our cultural arts center, we need to be gracious and wish them well.

Personally, I hope they hit it out of the park and then I hope they find a way to create a community organization that will love and give that special place their hearts for years to come. A community non-profit working alongside city government is the secret sauce.

In other words, I hope they can replicate what we’ve lost, which in a word was love.  Love for a place. Love for community.

And so, I think those of us who care about Old School Square should make a statement to that affect. If you love something, you need to root for it to be healthy and successful.

Right now, Old School Square’s campus is not healthy.

The campus seems sad.

The theater will miss yet another season and the classrooms are empty.

Those who love the historic buildings worry about the state of those buildings. Old structures need to be nurtured.  We worry that the buildings are not being tended to. Let’s hope we’re wrong.

But despite what we think of the decision to terminate— by my estimate the worst made by a commission in my 36 years living here—we need to root for the project gifted to us by the efforts of Frances Bourque all those years ago.

We need to cling to the idea of a community gathering place. We need to root for those buildings, that theater, those classrooms, and that museum to come to life and get its soul back.

That doesn’t mean those of us who love Old School Square should give up our fight.

The best way to stand up to a bully is to do what’s right, and in this case, litigating is the only option because our elected “leaders” refuse to meet and talk like we have always done in this town.

Let’s pause for a moment and talk about the lawsuit. OSS Board members have been called “unpatriotic” for suing their own city. As if you should just allow an injustice to happen, pack your bags, thank your bully for allowing you to serve and leave with your tail between your legs as if you are a pledge in the movie “Animal House” being paddled and replying: “thank you sir, may I have another.”

No, thanks.

Capitulating is not patriotism and that’s not loving your city as the board of Old School Square, its patrons, supporters, donors, former employees, and volunteers most surely do. If you love something, you fight for it.

There is no financial upside to this lawsuit for OSS not to mention the stress that accompanies litigation. But there is value in fighting for a cause, even if you lose.

There’s value to standing up against political forces who cut out the public and decide to kill something without a conversation with the community they are supposed to be serving.

But make no mistake about it, lawsuits are terrible.

Lawsuits indicate failure.

Failure to talk.

Failure to compromise.

Failure to use reason and negotiation to come up with a solution to a breach.

In this case, it’s a failure of political leadership that is costing the taxpayers millions of dollars that could have easily been avoided with some—you guessed it: grace.

When OSS offered to settle, a majority of the city commission didn’t even want to hear the details. They refused to consider the offer. They’d rather use your money to pay out of town lawyers than talk with their neighbors.

Every living former Mayor except for Tom Carney (who served for a few weeks) dating to Doak Campbell through Cary Glickstein signed a letter asking simply for the city to meet and talk with their partners of 32 years. Just talk.

Like we’ve always done; like we’ve always been able to do in what we used to call the “Delray Way.”

The OSS Board was not merely a “tenant” or a “management company”, they were the creators of what had been Delray Beach’s signature civic project. These are the people who birthed a community based cultural arts center that created a renaissance for our downtown and for our city. Pre Old School Square, Delray had been suffering from blight, vacancy and neglect before Frances Bourque and others sparked a movement.

That a civic icon has ended up on the “outs” forced to litigate the city she has served passionately says all you need to know about Delray Beach in 2023.

She is joined by a group of wonderful people who have served this town well for decades. Their hearts are broken.

A place striving to be a community would recognize this hurt and do something about it.

As of the writing of this blog, nobody has called Frances Bourque in over a year.

We’re not talking about a call to help fix the breach, discuss the future, or get some tips (which people in this city can surely use because they have sure made a mess of things). But just to say, “thank you”, or “I’m sorry for your pain.”

When the DDA got the job, they didn’t call. They should have.

My peeps call it being a mensch. A mensch, in Yiddish, is a person of integrity, morality and dignity; someone with a sense of what is right. But the term mensch is more than just an old Yiddish adage. It is relevant across the world because we are suffering from the actions of nihilists, narcissists and nincompoops. Just look at Congress.

To be a mensch is to be supportive; to be a friend, to be calm in troubled times and do the right thing.

It means showing grace.

A call doesn’t cost us anything, but it’s meaningful.

It doesn’t compromise a lawsuit and it doesn’t take hours of your day, but it would mean something if it was a sincere acknowledgement, not just a check the box gesture

Grace and gratitude matter.

Accountability also matters.

OSS has tried to own its mistakes. It has never made a representation that it was perfect. Contrary to what you’ve been told, documents that were asked for were produced (of course, the authorities kept moving the bar) and audits, while late (during a pandemic when the auditor quit), were clean.

Instead of sitting down and airing issues, like over 11,000 petitioners asked this city to do, we chose to do the opposite.

And that’s costly for us as taxpayers. That’s why you should care. That’s why you should vote.

For the folks saying move on, well tell that to the taxpayers footing the bill for all this dysfunction.

For all the money given to OSS over the years, the return on investment was many, many times greater. In fact, the money given to OSS were grants, awarded after services asked for were rendered.

OSS paid 75-80 percent of the costs and did all the work year after year.

Now, we the taxpayer, are on the hook for 100 percent of the costs. This includes millions to finish renovations that were already paid for by a generous donor who pulled her money mid-construction when the organization she supported was kicked to the curb without public input or even an agenda item. How many other generous donors who may have given to our library, Arts Garage or other non-profits looked at what happened and decided to keep their checkbook on the sidelines? Is it safe to donate to a local non-profit that works with city government?

So how do we hold people to account?

Sometimes in court and always at the ballot box and word has it that there’s an election in March.

Either venue doesn’t guarantee justice or accountability. Our system is far from perfect and bad actors sometimes get rewarded. But the long arc of history has a way of bending toward justice. Karma also plays a role.

Still, we can’t forget about graciousness.

The DDA is a capable organization, but building a community is a people business and someone from that organization should call and thank Frances Bourque, long time president Joe Gillie and  other key contributors who gave us the gift that is Old School Square. They should also call Margaret Blume, the generous donor whose gift of $1.6 million enabled the renovation of the Cornell Museum. It seems like the plaque honoring that donation was removed by someone before the re-opening of the museum.

Maybe it will be put back. It should be.

As I write this, I got a text saying that the DDA will be updating the history of OSS and will acknowledge donors. New wording should be up next week. That’s good news. But I hope the phone rings at Frances’ house because without her input I don’t know how that history could be complete or accurate.

It would have been nice to acknowledge these key players opening night. That’s when the crowds show up, the speeches are made, and the Instagram videos are posted. Alas, that opportunity came and  went. Like so many opportunities we keep missing to heal, to build community.

Absent the most recent opportunity, we can always place a call.

Again, it has nothing to do with a lawsuit and everything to do with being gracious. It has everything to do with showing empathy and respect for people who have done a lot for this town.

The hardworking team at the DDA deserves our support. We all have a rooting interest in their success as they take on this important mission.

We show grace by our well wishes.

We help to heal a community if that graciousness is reciprocated.

A Trip Around The Sun

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure? Measure a year?

In daylights,

In sunsets,

In midnights,

In cups of coffee,

In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure a year in a life?

“Seasons of Love” from the Broadway show Rent.

2020…oh my goodness.

We sure have been through a whole lot together.

Covid.

Social unrest.

Division.

So much division.

Before we say goodbye to a year I think we all yearn to see in the rear view, let’s pause for a few moments and reflect on what we’ve experienced.

This is the deadliest year in US history with deaths expected to top 3 million for the first time due mainly to the coronavirus pandemic.

Final mortality data for this year will not be available for months but preliminary numbers suggest that the United States is on track to see more than 3.2 million deaths this year or at least 400,000 more than 2019.

That’s a staggering number.

It’s almost too much to comprehend.

But we need to try because we end the year with so many families in pain, hungry and lost. Friends, our world needs a lot more empathy if we are to create a better world for our children.

U.S. deaths increase most years so some increase in fatalities is to be expected but the 2020 numbers amount to a jump of about 15 percent and could go higher. That would mark the largest single year percentage leap since 1918 when tens of thousands of US soldiers died in World War I and hundreds of thousands of Americans died in the flu pandemic.

Yes, this has been a helluva year.

We won’t ever forget 2020 but while we are anxious to turn the page and resume our lives, I’m hoping we don’t blindly rush forward. I’m hoping we drive slow and consciously think about how we can make this world a better place. I know that’s kind of a sappy sentiment, but sometimes the world can use a little sappiness.

We are at a crossroads. Down one path is more fighting, down another is a chance at healing and progress. We can’t have both. It’s one or the other.

I happen to think that we are very weary of fighting each other. So many people I talk to are tired of the callousness, the meanness and the insensitivity of our discourse.

I sense that we long for kindness, community, purpose, meaning, love and empathy.

We need to carve out a space for gentle hearts to thrive in this world.

How do we do that?

By standing up to bullies.

By rewarding kindness.

By extending a hand to those who need a lift up.

By setting the record straight– if we can.

By doing what we can to help others.

Simple things make a big difference.

While 2020 was brutal, it did force us to slow down. That’s a good and valuable thing.

If we were lucky enough to take the time to reflect, we realize that life is both fragile and precious.

Last holiday season, nobody knew the word Covid and yet the virus upended our lives and almost took mine; proof that we are vulnerable and tomorrow is not guaranteed.

While we know that intellectually, it’s easy to lose sight of our mortality and fail to prioritize what’s truly important. In 2020, gliding through life became harder and for many of us impossible.

So as we close in on another trip around the sun for some reason the words to a Jimmy Buffett song are swimming around my head.

“Yes I’ll make a resolution, that I’ll never make another one.

Just enjoy this ride on my trip around the sun. Just enjoy this ride.”

To my friends, I hope you enjoy the ride. Please stay safe and let’s do what we can to make 2021 a better year for everyone. That’s my prayer for the New Year.

Try A Little Tenderness

The Delray Chamber gave the community a hug last week. We needed it.

Sometimes a simple act of kindness can make all the difference.
Last week, the Greater Delray Beach Chamber of Commerce gave the community a big hug and it felt amazing.

The hug was needed.

The hug was appreciated.

The hug showed us the immense power of kindness and community.

I hope it triggers more goodwill because we can all use an explosion of kindness as we end 2020 and look forward to a new year.

Ahh, yes a new year.
2020 has been brutal; we need to turn the page. We need a reason to believe.

2021 sits there–just over the horizon– an oasis after a long slog through a desert of despair.

Hundreds of thousands of families have lost loved ones.
Hundreds of thousands of people are struggling to overcome the lingering affects of a virus that has upended our lives and our world.

Businesses are really hurting.

Our social lives have been upended and community life has been interrupted. The best parts of our lives—human contact and interaction– have been put on hold.
There is fear and division throughout the country and right here at home. We sure need something to lift our spirits.

The Chamber of Commerce dove into that breach with a socially distant awards ceremony recognizing hometown heroes.
Teachers, nurses, police officers, firefighters, business owners and non-profit executives were honored for going above and beyond to get us through this crazy and tragic year. And it felt great.

It was needed. It was appreciated and it reminds us of the possibilities that exist in Delray Beach if we just can find a way to be kind and work together. It’s not rocket science folks, but yet that simple concept of being kind and having empathy seems elusive these days.

The Chamber showed remarkable leadership at a critical time—the tail end of a year in which we have all suffered perhaps more than we can fully comprehend in the moment.

It reminded me and others of the “old days” when we made it a point to celebrate success and to come together during hard times.

But as much as it reminded us of happier times, the Hometown Heroes event showed us a path forward. We can do this again. And again.
There is much to be grateful for in America and in Delray Beach.
The winners and nominees are examples of our strength and resilience. We become a happier place when we stop and think about how much we have to be thankful for.

Emanuel “Dupree” Jackson, Marcus Darrisaw and the EJS Project were honored for the non-profit’s stellar work with young people. They are developing our future leaders while exhibiting grace in these trying times.
The Chamber honored the nursing staffs at Bethesda Hospital and Delray Medical Center who are busy saving lives and giving comfort to those battling a deadly virus. There are 900 nurses at Delray Medical alone, 900 heroes staying strong during the worst medical crisis of our lives.

We saw several educators honored as well: the principal of Village Academy, the founder of Space of Mind and a young teacher at Plumosa Elementary School finding creative ways to connect with students during the pandemic. Bless you La Toya Dixon, Ali Kaufman and Cassidee Boylston.

First responders were honored as well. Can you imagine an already stressful and dangerous job that has gotten even more dangerous? What does it take to suit up every day and risk it all to protect and serve? Thank goodness for our police officers and firefighter/paramedics.

The Chamber honored small business owners all of whom have had to dig deep to try and survive a crisis nobody saw coming or had any experience with.

The immensely talented Amanda Perna of The House of Perna, was recognized for donating thousands of masks to first responders and for giving jobs to seamstresses who were furloughed. They worked days and nights to help protect the community. Isn’t that beautiful?

A plaque doesn’t pay the bills or heal someone infected with Covid, but it’s important nonetheless.
It’s important to recognize, honor and appreciate each other. That simple act is healing.

So the Chamber  performed a very valuable service.

The organization itself has been tested by the pandemic. Largely event driven, the Chamber has had to re-invent itself on the fly.
In the capable hands of President Stephanie Immelman and Chair Noreen Payne– two extraordinarily gifted leaders–the chamber has stayed relevant, visible and has showed us once again why we need a strong chamber.

It’s important for business to have a voice but when the Delray Chamber is hitting on all cylinders it is much more than an advocate for commerce. It is an advocate for the entire community.
Through virtual events, webinars and round tables, the Chamber has made it through a brutal year.

They have reached out to members in need and urged us to stay connected and informed. That’s leadership . And a template for a bright future.

I am excited to see where the Chamber will go as my former commission colleague Dave Schmidt takes the chairman’s role.
Mayor Dave is a proven leader. We are in great hands.

So here’s to 2021.
Thank you Delray Chamber for shining the light of positivity at the end of a dark year.

Thanksgiving…

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.

It’s not the turkey—that I can take or leave. It’s the meaning behind the holiday—gratitude and the time you get to spend with family.

This year, of course, will be different for many American families. We are being told not to gather because of coronavirus. We are also mourning the loss of more than 250,000 plus people , more than twice the number of American soldiers who died in World War I. It’s a staggering number and it’s increasing.

Yes, 2020 has been a terrible year, and it’s not over yet.

 

Still, if we look there is usually something we can be thankful for. For me, I’m grateful to be alive after a bruising battle with Covid-19.

I had a close call and peered over the edge before thankfully recovering and rejoining my family, friends and work colleagues.

So this year I am thankful for a lot. I hope by sharing my thoughts I will inspire you to think about what your thankful for in your life.

Here’s a brief list. If I miss anything it’s because the list is long (also something to be thankful for) and maybe I do have a touch of Covid fog.

I’m thankful for, in no particular order:

—Community: This year, I have felt the warm embrace of our community. The outpouring of support during my battle with Covid helped me heal and my family cope. When the call went out for plasma, the community responded. I will be forever thankful.

—Prayer: This year, I  learned about the power of prayer. Prayer has been a part of my life for a long time, but this year the appreciation went deeper. When I learned that prayer groups were praying for me, I was deeply touched. I believe those prayers made a huge difference and for that I am thankful.

—Family: I have always been grateful for my wonderful family. I’ve been blessed. Faced with the prospect of never seeing them again my love for them deepened. I saw their faces in my dreams and I was driven to come home.

—Friends: I am thankful for old friends and new ones too. During this trying year, relationships became more meaningful. I have been given a gift; the magic of friendship. Our ability to laugh, talk, share and show appreciation for each other has enriched my life and saved it too.

—Acts of Kindness: 2020 has been a year where I have been given innumerable acts of kindness. A retired police officer who sends me inspirational texts every single morning, a business colleague who shook the trees for plasma donations, the 9 pm prayers that warmed my heart, the E Street Band legend who personally delivered the new Springsteen album to my home, our chamber of commerce which enabled me to share my story on a webinar and then honored me with a nomination for a nice award, the endless texts from friends that included videos, songs, prayers, jokes and general messages of good cheer, the cooking of friends bringing over delicious dishes, the kindness of my amazing neighbors, Dave Wasserman’s zoom calls, Zoom happy hours arranged by Connor Lynch, Scott Savodnik’s lifelong friendship, Scott Porten’s endless generosity, Sandra Allen’s love, Gina and Mike’s prayers, Perry Don Francisco’s videos and Dave Reeves’ extra special phone calls. And the list goes on.  I’m so thankful. If I didn’t mention you—please, please know I did not and will not ever forget you.

—Work: Millions of Americans are out of work. Businesses of all sizes in a variety of industries are struggling. I’m thankful I have work and benefits to weather the storm.

—Medical Heroes: I can’t say enough about the doctors and nurses at Bethesda Hospital. They saved my life and the lives of many, many others. For them, I am grateful also beyond words. My doctor Paige Morris and my pulmonologist Nevine Carp are beyond talented. We are truly lucky to have this level of medical talent serving our community.

Yes, 2020 has been a handful.

We all know the litany of woes. They are real and they are serious.

But amidst the sadness and division, the illness and the economic despair, there’s beauty. There’s hope. There’s love. There’s life. And there is a future.

It will be a brighter one—if we wish for it and if we work for it.

Meantime, I wish you and yours a Happy and safe Thanksgiving. And I pray for your safety and health.

 

Legacy Leadership

Editor’s note: We have a busy week over here at the blog, so we are posting today instead of tomorrow. See you next week, thanks for reading and take time to enjoy the festivities.

I wanted to wait a few days before posting something on the passing of President George H.W. Bush.
So much has been said already so it’s hard to be original.

President Bush had ties to Delray.

A street named after him.

A friend who lived in Gulfstream.

Appearances at the Chris Evert Pro Celebrity Tennis Classic.

I met him once– for about 30 seconds– as part of a brief meet and greet when he visited the Delray Beach Tennis Stadium.
But you never forget seeing a President up close.

As a spectator at our tennis stadium, I saw his sense of humor and how he was self deprecating when an errant shot struck him in the rear. The crowed gasped, but President Bush smiled, made a joke and the crowd roared.

Moments….leaders are defined by moments.

Moments when they show their humanity. Moments when they rise to the occasion. Moments when they are vulnerable and when they summon strength.

President Bush called for a “kinder, gentler nation” and that exhortation is more relevant today than ever. We need to be kinder. We need to be gentler. Right now, we’re neither.

His passing was hailed as the end of an era. The last World War II generation president.

The word civility was used a lot to describe President Bush. So were the words classy, gentleman and statesman.
But the word that grabbed me  the most was prepared.

President Bush was perhaps the best prepared President ever elected with experience as a combat veteran, Congressman, party chair, ambassador, CIA Director and Vice President.
He knew how government worked. He knew the players and was experienced in world affairs.
His expertise was respected and valued.

Today it feels as if experience is an anchor that weighs down candidates. Politicians are often skewered for spending time in office and while I am a late believer in term limits and don’t feel people should spend decades in the same office,  I don’t like how experience is used against people, how expertise is minimized or even ridiculed.

We are demeaning public service then scratching our heads when our best and brightest sit on the sidelines.

Yes, I get it. People don’t see politics as public service and that’s sad. But guess what? The best elected officials are servant leaders. They care about people and about making a difference. The worst serve themselves and or special interests. They grandstand and they preen. They care about “optics” and play to their base. They end up dividing not uniting. Leadership is not about division–it adds and doesn’t subtract.

I never voted for George H.W. Bush but I admired and respected him. He served well. Very well.

As former Senator Alan Simpson said after President Bush’s passing: “Those that travel the high road of humility in Washington are not bothered by heavy traffic.”

How true and also how sad.

The lack of humility ought to give us pause and be a cause for national reflection.

Because therein lies the problem. Stop electing narcissists, egomaniacs, bullies and jerks. On all sides of the divide because no party is immune.

Instead seek out and support problem solving patriots who exhibit empathy, an ability to learn and evolve and put country and community first.

If that sounds like a high bar–well it is. But we need these people at all levels of government now more than ever.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor? Is A Valentine

Fred Rogers’ ministry was children’s television.

We went to see “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” at the wonderful Living Room Theatre at FAU. It was terrific.

The documentary on the life and legacy of Fred Rogers explores the timeless charm of Mr. Rogers who for more than 30 years entertained and educated children on PBS.
When the film ended, you could hear sniffles from the sold out audience.  Mr. Rogers still resonates.
In fact, he may resonate now more than ever.

When I looked around I saw a lot of senior citizens in the crowd..maybe their children or grandchildren watched Mr. Rogers or maybe they did too.  Regardless of their age, they were really moved by the story of a man who decided that his ministry would be children’s television.

Mr. Rogers kindness, authenticity and simple message of love seems so rare and unique these days that watching it onscreen is deeply moving.

There’s a longing in our society these days, a missing element and Fred Rogers epitomizes that void.

As a result, there’s a certain melancholy in the documentary. And I’m not sure  it’s intended.
But there’s a sense that with the passing of Mr. Rogers in 2003, that an era has passed in America that cannot be recaptured.
It was an era of community, tight knit and supportive neighborhoods, acceptance and love.

Sure, everything looks better in hindsight. And Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood took place in pretty tumultuous times. The documentary covers how his show dealt with subjects such as assassination, war, race and 9/11 which took place a month after he retired. PBS brought him back to address the horrors of terrorism.
Still, there was also an innocence to the neighborhood—there was love and acceptance.

The melancholy was the unspoken thread that somehow something has been lost in the intervening years.

The film concludes by asking the audience to think of someone special in their lives; someone who helped you in your life’s journey.
And that’s probably the source of the sniffles I heard in Boca.

If we are fortunate, we’ve all had that special someone or multiple helpers in our lives.
Remembering them is important. Honoring them is also important by being there for others in your “neighborhood.”

Fred Rogers’ message was one of love and understanding.
It’s a timeless message of kindness. It will never go out of style and it’s needed now more than ever.
Mr. Rogers widow believes her husband would have been devoted to healing our nation’s divisions. He would have tried to find a way to bring people together.
To me, that’s the essence of leadership. It’s also the essence of humanity and what we are all called to do.

Be Nice

Wayne Gretzky: The Great One, Also the Nice One

Wayne Gretzky: The Great One is also the Nice One

“It’s so easy being nice.” – Wayne Gretzky.
You know what else is easy? This simple concept: we have the power–so much power— to help each other.

We have so much power to heal one another; to build each other up, to support good things and good people.

It’s so easy to help. All we have to do is try. It’s a decision.
Or we can choose not to.

We can choose to accuse, divide, hurt, harm, disparage, disrespect and violate.
And because we often do, we also have so much power to harm.

Clearly we see this play out in our national politics but we also see it play out in City Halls and Commission Chambers and on social media platforms all across the world.
Leaders have the extraordinary power and opportunity to harm or heal. It’s their choice.

With every email they send, with every comment they make they can uplift or they can deflate.
Right about now at this point in the column, some of you are getting a cavity from all this “sweetness.”  I feel you.

And I know what you’re thinking: what about accountability? What about people who deserve a good rebuke?
Well glad you asked. Because accountability is tied closely to emotional intelligence and to kindness.

If mistakes are made—and they will be– they give us teachable moments. But most of the time, the people and organizations who can use the education don’t deserve to be obliterated. They need to be taught and while instilling fear and bullying may be your preferred method, it isn’t sustainable. Oh you’ll get short term results and when you’re gone or not looking you’ll be ignored, forgotten or mocked.
Bullies don’t age well.

Narcissists inflict lots of damage. But they don’t transform or uplift. They are too busy tearing down others so they can feel better about themselves.

True accountability occurs when learning and growth happens. You can only grow in an environment that values personal dignity and respect. The best teams, the best platoons, the best organizations build their success around chemistry, respect, love, kindness and education. The best teams root for each other. Caring becomes your DNA.
As a baseball fan, I love the story of Kyle Schwarber, the Cubs slugger who came back for The World Series after suffering a devastating knee injury at the beginning of the baseball season.
Schwarber was befriended by a 10 year old boy in Arizona who is suffering from a debilitating physical condition. The boy is very sick but he’s comforting the ballplayer and Schwarber was quickly able to put his disappointing but temporary knee problems into perspective.
The two friends exchange letters and encouragement. They inspire each other through simple acts of kindness: text messages, small gifts, kind words. When Kyle gave his friend a bat, the boy asked if he could auction off the memorabilia so other sick children could benefit from better care.

Isn’t that powerful? Isn’t it moving?

Kindness is strength.
We all know stories of unspeakable horror so there’s no need to relate them here. But it’s the every day bruises that some dole out that can take a toll and can leave a mark as well.
The snide email that insults a volunteer, the insensitive attack based on cooked up info, the attempt to bully those who don’t agree with you.
Leaders build, bullies deflate and harass.

Bullies need to be confronted and when that happens they tend to do two things: deflect (it’s not my fault, you are bullying me, how dare you) and shrink.

Because once revealed, a bully is seen as small, petty, mean and insecure. Exactly the opposite of a leader.
Wayne Gretzky was my favorite hockey player. He is also said to be a nice guy.

Being nice is indeed a choice. And yes; it is easy.