choices

A friend of mine— who shall go nameless lest we boost his ego—took a plane trip recently.

He sat next to a rabbi, and they had a long conversation about politics and the world we live in.

It was a civil conversation. A friendly discussion despite their many differences, proof that such a thing is possible even in this charged environment we find ourselves living in.

Sometimes I feel we’re trapped, talking past each other, with views cemented in one camp or the other with each camp viewing the other as an existential threat.

It’s no fun.

But my friend said he enjoyed his conversation with the rabbi. I think they may have even exchanged phone numbers so they could stay in touch and continue the dialogue.

That’s a healthy development, I thought. But I was troubled by something my friend told me and I can’t stop thinking about it. The rabbi said my friend was too idealistic.

I have to think about that one.

Too idealistic; it’s kind like being too kind. Is there such a thing? And is idealism bad?

My friend’s mid-air meet-up with a rabbi got me thinking about a recent podcast I listened to that talked about the death of idealism. Comedian Trevor Noah was interviewing the best-selling author Simon Sinek, who I think hangs the moon.

Mr. Sinek wrote the classic “Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Action.”

It’s a classic book. A true must read.

Sinek defines the “Why” as your purpose, cause, or belief. It explains why your business or organization exists, but it’s also a good way to approach life. What’s your why?

Anyway, during the conversation with Noah, Simon Sinek shared that idealism seems to be getting lost and that many of today’s prominent leaders have adopted a hard-bitten approach to their work.

The comment made me think of the scene in the movie “A Few Good Men” when the Jack Nicholson character, under intense questioning by a prosecutor played by Tom Cruise, says “you don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall.”

Well, that’s what I’m talking about; this notion that we live in a tough world where’s there’s no room for idealism. Indeed, idealism gets equated with naivete and that can be dangerous.

It’s a good argument. We live in a dangerous world, with lots of bad actors who do heinous things.

But I’m not ready to abandon idealism. I think we need more of it. Idealism provides a path forward. Consequently, cynicism or a belief that conditions can never change guarantee that they won’t.

Again, I turn to Simon Sinek:

“Pure pragmatism can’t imagine a bold future. Pure idealism can’t get anything done. It’s when the two cooperate that magic happens.”

Aha!

That’s it. We need a balance between dreams and reality. But we can’t abandon our dreams, we can’t forsake our ideals.

Sinek believes that many of our leaders have lost their idealism, that our leaders have stopped dreaming. He asks us to imagine what the world would look like if leaders dreamt about world peace. He says it sounds corny to say it out loud, because we are so far from that ideal and that’s sad isn’t it?

But if we think world peace is a corny idea, something is very wrong.

If we think that our nation cannot be united, it’s terribly sad and we resign ourselves to endless strife.

“Absent idealism,” Sinek says. “All we do is look for right or wrong. Absent idealism, we no longer see ourselves on the same team in pursuit of the dream. We see each other in opposition to me being right or you being wrong.”

Right about now the song “Imagine” is going through my head…”you may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.”

I’m starting to believe that half the people reading this piece would say I’m corny and cheesy (guilty as charged and that extends to my taste in music, bring on the schmaltz) but like John Lennon said: “I’m not the only one.”

I believe in optimism—always.

I believe in idealism—always. Pragmatic idealism.

I’m sure the rabbi is a good man, learned and kind. But my understanding of our religion is that idealism and service is at its core. I understand, looking at the Middle East today and our own vicious politics, that it is hard to be an idealist in 2024. So hard.

But the key to a better future is to transcend. For any endeavor to be successful, we must transcend and get to a different place where other outcomes are at least possible.

I’m going to tell my friend to hang on to his idealism…cling to it like a buoy in rough seas. Make sure to be pragmatic but hang on to your dreams.

Don’t stop dreaming that things can be better. You may be a dreamer but you’re not the only one.

“The refusal of Democrats and Republicans to cooperate with one another is not some mysterious force beyond our control. It’s a decision. A choice we make. And if we can decide not to cooperate, then we can decide to cooperate.” President-elect Joe Biden Jr.

History is fascinating.

It delivers us moments in time where if we make a choice we can make progress, squander an opportunity or make a colossal mistake that will set us back.

Good leaders don’t miss the moments. They get them right.

Like most of you, I watched a blizzard of pundits opine on the election and what it means for America.

My personal read on the election is that moderation won and divisiveness lost.

One of the commentators noted that voters determine the direction of our Democracy and I agree. Government of the people, by the people and for the people is our American DNA.

But while the people have the ultimate say at the ballot box, those we choose to lead us play an outsize role in our society.

Their style, personalities and demeanor make a difference.

If our leaders have empathy, our communities feel a little more empathetic. If our leaders strive to listen, our communities will feel heard, not marginalized.

I had lunch with an old friend last week. He did a lot for Delray Beach over many, many years.

We talked about what’s happened in recent years: the vitriol of social media, the turnover at City Hall, the infighting on the commission dais.

And we talked about what works too—civic engagement, team work, goal setting.

Somewhere along the way, we as a country and a city decided to demonize those with whom we disagree. We chose not to listen. We chose to bully, marginalize, divide, disparage and spread misinformation.

This choice—and it was a choice—has done a lot of damage to America and to our hometown of Delray Beach.

Nationally, we the people have watched helplessly as America has become tribal and we have paid a price as we watch the tribes do battle.

We have lost our unity, ceded our leadership position in the world and watched our problems pile up.

Problems can’t be solved if we can’t compromise and find a way forward together. They don’t go away either, they fester and grow in complexity.

Same in our communities.

There was a time when other cities made pilgrimages to Delray to learn how it was done. How to rejuvenate a downtown. How to implement community policing and how to leverage culture to build community. We were a leading municipality; a place where talent longed work.

I miss those days. So do many others.

Partisan politics aside, I invite someone to argue with President-elect Biden’s statement that he will work as hard for those who didn’t vote for him as those who did.

That’s how it’s supposed to be.

In my hometown, I have friends who live in fear of retribution if they back the wrong candidate—therefore the one who loses.

So rather than choose the candidate they feel will be best for Delray they try and pick winners. This isn’t good.

We shouldn’t feel threatened by our endorsements or lack thereof.

We should elect leaders who work as hard for their supporters as they do for those who didn’t support them. We should elect leaders who follow our codes and make decisions based on what’s best for our town. Period.

We can have those leaders. It’s a choice.

There is no mysterious force keeping us apart. We just have to recognize each other’s humanity and good will and vote out those who divide.

The Choice