13 March, 2023 13 13 Comments

The Lies That Grind

March 13, 2023 By 13 Comments

I’ve never been called a ‘good ole boy’.

Last week, I think I might have been.

I wasn’t singled out, and names have not been released, but I think I might be in this group called the ‘good ole boy network’.

For the purposes of this blog, I’m going to assume I’m in the network. I hope I am because I’d be in good company.

It seems there is a group in town who support the mayor and Commissioner Juli Casale. They are on a mission to clean up the “mess” the good ole boys made of this place and replace it with what?

Good government?

That would be nice. We haven’t seen that around these parts in quite some time.

The crew that opposes the good ole boys  have been all over Facebook vowing to clean up more messes if they continue to have the votes on our City Commission.  A friend of mine and his good ole boy friends were advised to “buckle up.”

Hmmm….

Anyway, this mission to clean up the “mess” some of the best citizens of this town created would explain why Old School Square was kicked to the curb without a plan at a cost of millions of dollars, why we may need to sell part of our golf course to pay for millions in deferred maintenance and why we’ve gone through more city managers in recent years than the fingers on both hands. It’s all the fault of the good ole boys!

Who knew!

We’ve  been warned that the anti good ole boys are the “nightmare” we all feared and it was mentioned that past leaders lacked the guts to do what needed to be done to fix our hometown.

Well, they are right on the nightmare assertion. Finally, a point of agreement! We agree that we are living through a nightmare.

But not for the same reasons—and therein lies the difference and the choice we face in the March 14 election.

There’s a lot to unpack here but let’s not leave the “good ole boy” comment quite yet.

I wanted to better understand the allegation, just in case I’m being lumped into that group, so I did a little research.

According to the New York Times, during the heyday of the Civil Rights movement, the Northern press began to refer to sheriffs, prison guards and anyone with either a bullhorn or a German shepherd as a good old boy.

Hmmm…I’m a Jewish guy from Long Island, I’ve never owned a bullhorn and I have a golden retriever and a chihuahua not a German shepherd, so maybe I don’t qualify.

My friends don’t meet that criterion either, besides many of the people I believe being referenced are—-wait for it—- women.

But I didn’t stop there. I didn’t want the New York Times to be the last word on this fascinating subject.

The Oxford dictionary defines good old boy as a “man who embodies some or all of the qualities considered characteristic of many white men of the southern US, including an unpretentious, convivial manner, conservative or intolerant attitudes, and a strong sense of fellowship with and loyalty to other members of his peer group.”

Well, this a mixed bag.

My peer group is a loyal bunch (we call it friendship) and unpretentious. But intolerant is a stretch; kind is a more apt description of the people I’m thinking about.

But here we are.

We live in a strange universe where many of our best citizens and most generous contributors are on the outs.

There is a real attempt to rewrite local history, recast heroines as villains and try and make the case that everything that came before this current group was wrong, corrupt and incompetent.

Not exactly.

Luckily, the truth is a stubborn thing. While lies get halfway around the world before the truth puts its pants on (to borrow from Mark Twain) the truth has a pesky way of shining through. In other words, truth endures.

Which means that every time the civic achievements of a generation of kind and giving people are denigrated, it diminishes those that do so.

In the past few weeks of this heated election season, I’ve seen some of our best mayors made fun of—with suggestions that a few should seek memory care. And I’ve seen a narrative that said redeveloping downtown Delray was easy and could have been accomplished by just about anyone.

I don’t think so.

It took an army of talented people. An army….who knew how to work together, knew how to engage the community and knew how to collaborate with each other.

As for the mayors, well, I don’t think dementia is something to joke about, besides I know those mayors and on their worst day they can run circles around these social media legends.

But I digress.

I do not think anyone is above criticism.

If you venture into the “arena” you can count on it. And truth be told, plenty of mistakes were made; that’s what life is. Hopefully, you fix them and don’t repeat them.

But I also don’t think it’s healthy or wise for a community to chew up and spit out those who gave their time, treasure, and passion to a place.

I almost felt bad about some of this nonsense, but then I remembered a scene from the movie Good Will Hunting and I felt better.

In this pivotal scene, Robin Williams, who plays a therapist named Sean, confronts Matt Damon who plays the genius Will. Will had criticized a painting in Sean’s office and by extension Sean’s life.

Here’s a snippet of the script. It’s terrific.

Sean: I thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting.

Will: Yeah?

Sean: Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me…and I fell into a deep peaceful sleep and haven’t thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?

Will: No.

Sean: You’re just a kid, you don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.

Will: Why thank you.

Sean: It’s all right. You’ve never been out of Boston.

Will: Nope.

Sean: So, if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling.

The scene proceeds with a dissertation on war, women, and life itself. It’s a masterful piece of screenwriting but there’s a profound lesson baked into the scene as well. Sean has hard earned experience, while his critic, in this case Will, lobs missiles from the cheap seats, from a place of anger and insecurity. That’s where bullies live.

Life, business, leadership always seems easier from the outside looking in. But if you examine every success story you see the struggle. I have yet to encounter a single “overnight” success story. It takes grit, hard work, sacrifice and this is going to sound odd—a fair amount of failure to succeed.

Why failure?
Because you learn from your mistakes.

So, when you see and experience criticism, please consider the source. Is he or she credible? Have they been in the situations that they are opining about?

Have they run a non-profit arts organization?

Have they made decisions that impact their neighbors?

Have they taken a risk, failed, got up, wiped the blood from their nose and tried again?

Meanwhile, this is a partial list of who is on the outs in Delray Beach these days. If you see these good ole boys and girls give them a pat on the back. They’ve earned it.

A veteran public school teacher who won a “Woman of Grace” Award recognizing her lifetime of volunteering for good causes.

A founder of an arts organization widely credited with leading the renaissance of downtown Delray. She recently won a “Distinguished Achievement Award” given by the University of Florida in recognition of her work as a champion of historic preservation.

A local business owner who gives to just about every charity in town, raises money by organizing a banquet honoring police officers and founded two charitable organizations that give back to local non-profits.

A semi-retired real estate developer who has spent the past 20 years serving on non-profit and city boards while supporting local charities just because he loves this place and wants to see it thrive.

A local contractor who has devoted himself to all things Delray for over 25 years.

A dedicated community servant who is involved in education, the environment, historic preservation, economic development and making sure we have a tree canopy.

A small business owner and philanthropist who has been involved in everything from the arts and culture to making sure we have trained Santa’s at the tree during the holidays.

I can go on and on.

These people are not entitled, elitist or self-serving—they are interested, generous and passionate about our hometown.

Something is amiss when they’ve been sidelined, kicked to the curb, and ridiculed.

Good ole boys?

Well, they are good.

Some of them are old (but young in spirit). Besides there is absolutely nothing wrong with being old.

Lastly, none of them are boys. They are men and women who care.

Period.

And win or lose tomorrow they won’t be silenced. They won’t be bullied.

Vote accordingly.

 

25 November, 2019 6 6 Comments

Thankful…

November 25, 2019 By 6 Comments

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

It’s my favorite because it celebrates gratitude which for too many of us is an unsung concept.

I’ve learned that if we only focus on what’s wrong or what bothers us, we will never be happy. But if we focus on what we are thankful for in our lives we often realize that things aren’t as dire as they might seem in those stressful moments.

After losing my sister in law last month and seeing several friends and personal heroes of mine pass in October, I felt a sense of dread. What I was experiencing was much deeper than sadness, this was different, it was heavy and I felt exhausted.

Of course, you press on. You go to work. You call friends. You attend to social obligations and in my case you look after senior dogs and two demanding cockatiels, when all you want to do is crawl off and be alone.

During this period, I got a call from an acquaintance who reminded me of a simple concept and it lifted my mood instantly. It was Halloween time and he was feeling overwhelmed with commitments. The last thing he wanted to do was take his children trick or treating. But then he realized that if he changed one word he could change his mindset—almost instantaneously.

The advice was to trade the word “have” to “get.”

So instead of having to take his kids trick or treating, he gets to take his children around the neighborhood. And what a privilege that is.

For me, instead of ‘oh, boy I have to go home and feed, walk and medicate my dogs’, I get to do those things. My 17- year- old blind rescue Chihuahua is still happy and alive and cute as can be. And my beloved golden, who was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, is still wagging his tail and giving me more joy than I can express. I get to be take care of them. For that, I am thankful also beyond words.

Luckily, I have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, including a great career, interesting business opportunities and challenges, a wonderful wife and children and terrific friends.
 I’m also thankful for the heroes in the community that I get to write about on this blog and for all of you who read my ramblings and reach out via comments, texts, emails, social media etc. It means the world to me.

I can’t list all of the people that I am grateful for, which is a wonderful “problem” to have. But in a broad brush, I am truly thankful for all those who serve our community whether it’s their job or whether they volunteer.

Delray Beach and Boca Raton are the communities they are because of these people and those who create economic, educational and social opportunities for all of us.

So I am thankful for the disrupters, the entrepreneurs, the leaders, the philanthropists, the business owners, the investors, the educators, social workers, health care professionals and those who protect and serve us.

From the time I was a little boy growing up on the north shore of Long Island I have admired those who came before me—those who paved the way so that others could grow and succeed. My first hero was my grandfather, a Russian immigrant who sacrificed everything so that his children and grandchildren could come to America—the land of opportunity. The land of hopes and dreams. My grandfather Abraham  and my other grandparents overcame enormous hardships and challenges and escaped from those who would have killed them because of how they worshipped. They gave us a chance to succeed in a great country.

I suppose my DNA explains my issues with bullies and those who stand in the way or don’t care whether others succeed or have opportunities.

The “I’m in the boat pull up the ladder” group and the trolls that afflict every community are not my cup of Celsius (shameless plug for our fitness drink).

No, I much prefer those who unite to those who divide, those who encourage to those who criticize and those in the arena trying to make things better to those who sit on their couches and complain about everything.

I’ve seen good people attacked, ridiculed and lied about—but I am thankful they get up every day and keep pushing.

They and we get to serve and what a privilege that is. They and we don’t have to.

And for all those who try—who take a beating but keep on chugging along– I am grateful. You bring so much to so many.

Happy Thanksgiving.

See you after the holiday.

 

 

 

 

 

2 October, 2019 2 2 Comments

Bullies Make Lousy Leaders

October 2, 2019 By 2 Comments

People matter.

Leadership matters.

You can’t have sustained success if you don’t get the right people in the right seats on the bus.

It’s a simple concept, but oh so hard to make happen in the real world where personalities, egos, politics and styles so often clash. And these days it seems that compromise has become a dirty word and so we often end up in an endless cycle of gridlock.

At the heart of conflicts we can usually find a difficult personality—maybe an egomaniac or a narcissist or some other type of charmer.

Sometimes they are dolts and I’m guessing we can all think of a few. And sometimes they are brilliant visionaries or technicians who are wildly talented but fundamentally lacking in emotional intelligence—the most important kind.

What happens next is sadly predictable. Because of their talent or their ego, they are often able to ascend to great heights but they inevitably crash and burn because their deficiencies in dealing with other people eventually become a fatal flaw.

Unfortunately, they often leave a whole lot of damage in their wake.

I was thinking about this phenomena last week when I read a slew of stories about the rise and fall of We Work founder Adam Neumann who only days ago was riding high atop the world’s most valuable start-up only to see the value of his vision plummet and to have the very people who threw money at him take him out.

Why?
 Because Mr. Neumann– clearly a genius on so many levels–flew too close to the sun. He talked about being president of the world (not making that up), engaged in questionable self-dealing with his own company and smoked marijuana on planes which annoyed pilots and unnerved investors.

And then it ended, before his company could launch its long awaited IPO. Oh and they lost billions in value along the way.

A similar fate befell the egotistical founder of Uber, countless politicians at all levels of government and to some extent Steve Jobs, the legendary Apple founder who was bounced from his own company before becoming the rare (somewhat) humbled egomaniac to come back and have a successful second act.

The problem is these types of personality types leave a ton of damage in their wake.

The key is to try and recognize these types and prevent them from getting into positions where they blow up people, cultures and institutions.

The challenge in stopping them is significant because their swagger, sense of entitlement and boundless self-confidence often lands them coveted positions. In America, we have this myth of the white knight that will show up and solve all of our problems. Yes, talented leaders can help to solve a host of issues, but (and this is a big but) nobody can do it alone.

You can’t run Uber or We Work by yourself, you can’t lead a city by yourself and you can’t lead a nation by yourself either.

You need a team of empowered people who work well together, trust each other, root for one another and believe passionately in the mission. And you need a leader who shares credit and is willing to take responsibility when the going gets rough and it always gets rough. There’s no such thing as an overnight success, you need troops and troops won’t follow an egomaniac, a bully or a narcissist forever.

The egotist may get far, but he or she won’t last. The behavior gets old. At first, it happens slowly, then all at once.

We Work’s Neumann was the charming rogue before his indulgences sunk him. Uber’s Travis Kalanick was the maverick who delighted in putting a thumb in your eye before his over the top “bro” culture saw him bounced from his creation and we’ve all seen politicians whose hubris (fatal arrogance) cost them elections and in some cases their freedom.

It never ends with a parade and when these beauties leave they are never remembered fondly.

The truth about real leaders is that they make you feel safe when they are there, they inspire people to do more, be more and they plant seeds that blossom long after they leave. They develop others who carry the mission further.

This is not an argument against disruption, we need innovators who can show us a better way. But too often disruption means destroying institutions that matter. We risk a lot when we start to pull threads without stopping to think why those threads were sewn in the first place.

It’s not a choice between disruption and stewardship—you can do both. You can innovate and make sure to take care of the organization you’ve been tasked to lead.

You can be a disruptive bully or a servant leader. But you can’t be both.

One style works and leads to transformational and positive change, the other style leads to failure. History never remembers the bullies with affection.

 

 

 

 

12 July, 2017 7 7 Comments

Pride of the Yankees

July 12, 2017 By 7 Comments

Aaron Judge. Where have you gone Mr. O’Connor, a nation turns its lonely eyes to you. 

I have a problem with bullies.
I suspect most of us do.
Bullies are detestable. They hurt people in ways that leave deep and lasting scars.
I don’t know why I have such an aversion to bullies. It’s not like I was bullied as a child outside of a few incidents which usually ended in a bloody nose (either me or the offender). I was taught to stand up to bullies and sometimes that may cost you a bloody nose or a lost tooth, but it usually remedies the situation.
I learned that bullies  will take your lunch money every day until you say no and endure the consequences which are usually less painful than the daily humiliation and stress of having your dignity compromised.
In politics, you run into bullies on a regular basis.
The typical rule is to never feed a troll. It demeans you and gives the troll status.
But there are exceptions…
If the troll/bully gets traction and begins to move public opinion you have a responsibility to stand up for the truth or at least tell the other side of the story.
And if the bully is picking on your staff, community and teammates or those who are suffering you should take a stand and stick up for people. Indifference never  benefits the afflicted.
Frankly, I’m seeing a lot of bullying in Delray these days.
A lot of it occurs on social media where in between posts about dogs, graduations and entertaining memes featuring cats or Chris Christie in a beach chair, a fair amount of hating occurs.
Two recent examples –out of hundreds –are comments relating to Delray’s recovery industry and the proposal to redevelop the Sundy House and related properties.
I get that issues relating to recovery, heroin and sober homes are immensely complex and highly emotional. There are bad operators, scammers, relapses, overdoses, concerns about PTSD among first responders, fraudulent business practices and the list goes on. All are fair game for discussion and worry. These are scary issues and this is a frightening time.
But there are people who recover. There are people who contribute. There are good people who wake up everyday and try to save others.
But if you see some of the comments on social media you’ll be stunned at the lack of empathy. Or maybe you won’t. Maybe we’ve become immune. Maybe we’ve grown so callous and judgmental that we are ok with painting with a broad brush.
Or wishing that addicts would “just die.” Or questioning whether addiction is real or a sign of weakness or bad character.
Friends, we are all weak at times and none of us are getting through life unscathed. A little compassion goes a long way.
I have close friends in recovery. People I respect and adore. I see how they hurt when they read or hear some of the more judgmental and I believe discriminatory comments.
And I think that’s a shame. Because when you paint with a broad brush you smear a lot of good people.
To wit:
I think the Crossroads Club has been a blessing to our city and to thousands of people. I’ve heard wonderful things about Wayside House and Beachcomber and as a young reporter I spent a ton of time “embedded” at the Drug Abuse Foundation and got to know some dedicated counselors.
Civic leaders such as former Mayor Leon Weekes spent years serving on the board of DAF. I really liked Mayor Weekes and admired his dedication to the community.
Speaking of dedication, I have attended meetings of our Drug Task Force and I’m impressed by the passion, commitment and yes love in the room.
All of these responsible operators would love to go away; if it meant the scourge of addiction was solved.
But addiction is a disease and it’s real and it’s here and everywhere across our nation and world.
We can bash. We can label. We can blame. But all that does is polarize. All that does is drive us further apart. It does not solve a thing.
As for Swinton Commons. I don’t know enough about the site plan to render an opinion. Haven’t seen it other than the renderings floating around the internet.
And contrary to some rumors, we’re not involved in the project. I like Rick Gonzalez, the architect. We hired Rick when I was mayor to help us tighten and improve our historic district guidelines. He’s a dedicated preservationist. The real deal.
Still, I don’t know if the project as constituted works or not.
I do know that the Sundy House properties will be redeveloped at some point. The historic homes on the site are in danger and the South Swinton Neighborhood needs a shot in the arm.
Regardless, the trashing on social media of those who support the project and other proposed projects is ridiculous.
I get it. I get the concerns. Too big, too much, too ugly etc. But what about an understanding of  other views? The need for jobs, the need for tax base to fund services, the need for attainable housing and property rights.
There is opportunity in the concerns. It resides in our willingness and our ability to convene all sides and air the concerns, acknowledge them, mitigate or eliminate them.
But too often we choose the opposite. We choose to pick sides and divide.
People have been labeled corrupt, profit motivated (shocking) and my favorite “Yankees.” As in the Yankees ruined our town.
Not the Derek Jeter, Babe Ruth and Aaron Judge (isn’t he amazing) Yankees –but I suppose those of us from the northeast.
Sigh.
For the record, I’m a proud New Yorker. I’ve lived here 30 years but I guess in some eyes, we will always be Yankees.
That’s ok. We’re proud of where we come from and proud of where we live now. We are also proud of our contributions to South Florida. Some of us are actually pretty nice people.
As my old English teacher Mr. O’Connor once said: “ignorance is its own refutation.”
But is it?
In the age of social media, where every Tom, Expert Maven and Self Anointed Avenger has a bullhorn– will facts, context, rule of law, truth and authenticity still carry the day? Is my old English teacher, who looked like Les Nessman from WKRP in Cincinnati (dating myself) but was the coolest teacher at Ward Melville, wrong?
I hope not. But I have some doubts for the first time. I’ve always believed that the truth was a stubborn thing and over time it prevails. I want to hold onto that.
But I do think that we are missing opportunity after opportunity to connect, collaborate and figure out a way to co-exist productively.
I read a blog this morning called “collaboration is the new leadership.”
I hope so, because I don’t see a lot of collaboration. I do see the opposite. And it doesn’t leave us happy. It doesn’t build community.
We can do better. We must.

 

 

 

10 March, 2017 8 8 Comments

Division or Collaboration It’s a Choice

March 10, 2017 By 8 Comments

We are at the point in the campaign for commission seats in Delray Beach where the word bully gets thrown around.

So this post is about bullying. And how to recognize who the real bullies are; because often bullies accuse others of being bullies when you stand up to them.

I’m not talking about the school yard kind, but adult bullying. Although there are similarities.

When I was a young man, I thought bullying was a pathology that ended in junior high.

Then I moved to Delray and got involved in local politics.

When you enter the arena, you can count on meeting the bullies in your town. I’m not talking about the normal back and forth of debate on the issues or about people who just don’t like what you’re peddling.

I’m talking about folks who wake up and decide to make you their hobby.

It’s usually not about policy or ideas—although occasionally how you vote on a single issue can trigger abuse. But more often, it’s personal; like in personal destruction.

I’ve encountered a few of these charmers in my adult life. And I’ve seen others experience them as well.

It comes with the territory.

If you want to avoid the bullies–don’t say anything and don’t do anything. Don’t support a candidate, don’t ever take a side on an issue or even be seen with anyone who does.

But if you do, you can count on somebody questioning your motives, your character, your friends, your livelihood and your ethics. Check that: they won’t question you they will judge you and convict you. And the rub is they often don’t know you.

Nope.

Not.

At.

All.

It has nothing to do with likability or whether you’re a nice person.

For instance, even the Dalai Lama has detractors.

I strive to be a decent guy. I try to be polite and courteous. I pick up my share of checks and I love animals. I even recycle.

But I also have opinions. I like to express them. And the last time I checked, that’s still guaranteed by our First Amendment. Here’s a smattering of opinions that have earned me some wrath over the years.

I don’t get hives over festivals, my life isn’t ruined if the bridge goes up and I don’t see all developers as the local version of Freddy Krueger. Some yes, but not all. I have (or at least had) faith in our Land Development Regulations and I’m a believer in the long time community vision for Delray Beach. I was there when it was shaped by a wide range of local stakeholders who have given a great deal to Delray Beach and continue to serve the community.

Heck, I even have civic pride. (I even use the word heck not the pejorative alternative).

I think this community came together and did some amazing things over the years. I don’t believe that Delray was ruined, overdeveloped or in need of being taken back. In fact, I think it was saved by the very people who forged the vision and made it happen—and that includes developers, business people, neighborhood leaders, the CRA, the DDA, the Chamber of Commerce, festival producers, non-profit leaders, police officers, firefighters and city staff. It really does take a village.

That’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it. Sorry bullies, that’s just the way it is.

I also understand that not everybody embraces the same things that I do. I think that the strategy employed by Delray created a remarkable place and a whole lot of value and quality of life. I think it’s a sustainable strategy. But I understand that some of the changes and policies are not to everyone’s liking. The question is whether we can respectfully disagree. And that’s where we can find both the challenge and the opportunity.

Can you disagree with a bully and not be attacked? Or can we find a way to work together, find compromise and at times agree to disagree knowing there will be issues down the road where opponents on one issue can actually help each other?

Here’s why I prefer the latter to the bully model; which promotes division and dysfunction.

In my experience, the typical “my way or the highway” civic bully isn’t interested in getting to know you or hearing about the rule of law, the principles of economic development or what might make a city sustainable. In their closed minds, you’re wrong and you’re evil. See, it’s not about policy it’s about their need to discredit and bash you.

Many of the people I’ve seen bullied have reached out to those who have judged them in an effort to clear the air, find a way forward, listen to the grievances and answer questions. They seek common ground–after all we’re  neighbors and we might see each other at Caffe Luna Rosa or in the hot sauce aisle of Publix. But their entreaties are almost always rebuffed.

Why?

Because it’s easy to demonize someone you don’t know. It’s harder to hurl hate and lie about someone you’ve looked in the eye and learned something about.

You may find that they have kids, love animals, enjoy music, coach baseball and have a sense of humor. You may even figure out that they actually believe in what their selling and that they are not bought and paid for. But that narrative won’t work for the bully. If you are a real person it might make it harder to go back on social media and beat you up.

So while bullying and negativity seems to be a fact of life these days and some of it is so crazy and false as to be laughable–the toxicity it produces isn’t funny. In fact, it’s ruinous.

As I mentioned earlier, we’ve seen some amazing things happen here.

A dead downtown revived.

A land trust formed.

Have you seen the homes they’ve built? These are real families in real neighborhoods once neglected and now beginning to show some signs of improvement.

We’ve seen the southwest plan come to life. Oh, not all of it, but a great deal with more to come. (But only if we stop the endless bickering and get back to work).

We’ve seen schools conceived and built from the commitment shown at community meetings and the passion of two members of the Delray Beach Police Department.

We’ve see a cultural center rise from the ruins of a neglected old school.

And a library built on West Atlantic when a bully from my day told us it would never work if you put it “out there with those people.” I kid you not, that was actually said. We built it anyway. And he’s as miserable as ever.

He was told–politely–to pound sand. PS he’s still out there peddling hate, lies and conspiracy theories.

I can go on.

I’m a firm believer that many amazing things that occurred could not have happened today because the culture has become toxic. And toxicity is fatal to progress.

And friends, we had better start caring about culture.

Because It’s everything.

If it doesn’t get better –and trust me it needs help– the community is at risk.

So how bad is it? Here’s an example. There are many.

A few weeks back, a group of people came together and launched an effort to fight back against the nastiness and negativity by forming a group called Better Delray. Almost immediately it was assailed by a small group who questioned (sorry proclaimed) Better Delray’s motives, hidden agendas etc.

Really…they did. And they are so wrong. And they drew their conclusions based on what?

 

Nobody sat down and talked. There were no questions asked, but conclusions were drawn based on exactly nothing but personalities.

But there is a lightbulb going on around town. People are finally getting tired of the negativity, the endless fighting, the attempts to muzzle and intimidate. The fact that issues hang around for years because “leadership” is too busy fighting each other and majoring in the minor.

Thank goodness there’s an awakening taking place.

Because we need you to get angry.

We need you to understand the stakes.

We need you…

To call it out.

To demand civility.

To volunteer.

To vote.

Yes, vote. In a local election. Because it’s important and so few of us do. Less people show up these days than in 1990 despite a much larger population. So as we inch toward the March 14 election…

Seek out the positive–reject the toxic. Reject those who manufacture division.

I’ve noticed a few common themes in my 30 years here.

If you want to see progress…

Support those who go to work for this town. Put your faith and your trust in those who are involved over those who sit back and criticize and (mis) judge.

My best friends in Delray Beach are the men and women who have rolled up their sleeves and went to work on behalf of this community.

They’ve helped children, created jobs, supported the arts and charities, volunteered and put skin in the game, in short they’ve cared. Sometimes so much it hurts. A few are even developers…gasp.

But whenever I look around I never see the critics. I never see the bullies. They are AWOL.

When it comes time to pitch in, they are absent. When it comes time to build they can’t be found. But they are always there when it’s time to criticize. They are always ready to judge, condemn, label, divide and threaten. Always.

They never miss an opportunity and when necessary they create things to whine about.

None of them ever bother to get to know those who have been and are involved.

But somehow they know they’re dishonest, they know they’re self-serving, they know they are shills.

Only they’re not.

And we are not going away. It’s our town too.

Many are tired of the bickering, the disrespect of the people, events and organizations that built this town, the constant turnover of senior staff, the endless lawsuits, the insults of those looking to invest here, the lies about the CRA, the embarrassing behavior of so-called leaders, the bullying of event producers, the demonizing of people in recovery and those trying to help them and the lack of progress on important issues.

They were left a 40 point lead and they are blowing it. I’m willing to say it, because I love this city.

Call me a shill, label me, threaten my friends and our businesses.

But a great many who are involved in the major institutions in our town are dispirited. Many are scared and won’t speak out for fear of retribution.

They shouldn’t be. Something is seriously wrong if they are.

We must come together because we have been driven apart. By people who have not given back.

We must replace division with collaboration.

And that’s why I am  supporting Jim Chard for Seat 2 and Shirley Johnson for Seat 4.

And I’ll tell you why and what I see is at stake in my next post.

2 November, 2016 2 2 Comments

Be Nice

November 2, 2016 By 2 Comments
Wayne Gretzky: The Great One, Also the Nice One

Wayne Gretzky: The Great One is also the Nice One

“It’s so easy being nice.” – Wayne Gretzky.
You know what else is easy? This simple concept: we have the power–so much power— to help each other.

We have so much power to heal one another; to build each other up, to support good things and good people.

It’s so easy to help. All we have to do is try. It’s a decision.
Or we can choose not to.

We can choose to accuse, divide, hurt, harm, disparage, disrespect and violate.
And because we often do, we also have so much power to harm.

Clearly we see this play out in our national politics but we also see it play out in City Halls and Commission Chambers and on social media platforms all across the world.
Leaders have the extraordinary power and opportunity to harm or heal. It’s their choice.

With every email they send, with every comment they make they can uplift or they can deflate.
Right about now at this point in the column, some of you are getting a cavity from all this “sweetness.”  I feel you.

And I know what you’re thinking: what about accountability? What about people who deserve a good rebuke?
Well glad you asked. Because accountability is tied closely to emotional intelligence and to kindness.

If mistakes are made—and they will be– they give us teachable moments. But most of the time, the people and organizations who can use the education don’t deserve to be obliterated. They need to be taught and while instilling fear and bullying may be your preferred method, it isn’t sustainable. Oh you’ll get short term results and when you’re gone or not looking you’ll be ignored, forgotten or mocked.
Bullies don’t age well.

Narcissists inflict lots of damage. But they don’t transform or uplift. They are too busy tearing down others so they can feel better about themselves.

True accountability occurs when learning and growth happens. You can only grow in an environment that values personal dignity and respect. The best teams, the best platoons, the best organizations build their success around chemistry, respect, love, kindness and education. The best teams root for each other. Caring becomes your DNA.
As a baseball fan, I love the story of Kyle Schwarber, the Cubs slugger who came back for The World Series after suffering a devastating knee injury at the beginning of the baseball season.
Schwarber was befriended by a 10 year old boy in Arizona who is suffering from a debilitating physical condition. The boy is very sick but he’s comforting the ballplayer and Schwarber was quickly able to put his disappointing but temporary knee problems into perspective.
The two friends exchange letters and encouragement. They inspire each other through simple acts of kindness: text messages, small gifts, kind words. When Kyle gave his friend a bat, the boy asked if he could auction off the memorabilia so other sick children could benefit from better care.

Isn’t that powerful? Isn’t it moving?

Kindness is strength.
We all know stories of unspeakable horror so there’s no need to relate them here. But it’s the every day bruises that some dole out that can take a toll and can leave a mark as well.
The snide email that insults a volunteer, the insensitive attack based on cooked up info, the attempt to bully those who don’t agree with you.
Leaders build, bullies deflate and harass.

Bullies need to be confronted and when that happens they tend to do two things: deflect (it’s not my fault, you are bullying me, how dare you) and shrink.

Because once revealed, a bully is seen as small, petty, mean and insecure. Exactly the opposite of a leader.
Wayne Gretzky was my favorite hockey player. He is also said to be a nice guy.

Being nice is indeed a choice. And yes; it is easy.