Delray Pie

I’m stealing this opening from a friend.

If he wants credit, I’ll reveal his name next week. If he wants to enter the witness protection program, I’ll try  to help.

But I love the analogy and I thought I’d share. So here goes.

Imagine, if you will, that every time you step forward to help, you get hit in the face with a pie.

That’s what happening to the good folks who have hung in there at Old School Square.

Last week, they went to a Downtown Development Authority (DDA) meeting to discuss the results of a city commission workshop in which it was decided that the DDA should consider working with the non-profit to offer arts classes and to begin to get the Crest Theatre up and running again. I believe it was also decided that an invitation to negotiate will be made available to other organizations. That’s the right and proper thing to do. Let the best ideas win.

Without dredging up the ugliness, they got hit in the face with a pie from a board member who doesn’t have her facts straight.

The details of the latest pie in the face are not important. It’s the same tired, discredited arguments that have been made since Old School Square was terminated “without cause” (how’s that for irony?) in 2021. Still, Old School Square fired back with a letter to the DDA chairman requesting that the facts be read into the public record.

That’s a good and necessary step.

But there’s a deeper issue here and one that we really ought to understand and address.

But let’s digress for a moment.

Books– with lots of chapters and lots of words– have been written about how to build a successful city.

I wrote one of them and I’ve read a lot of them too.

Cities are complicated places; they succeed or fail for a variety of reasons. But if you boil it down, there are two essential ingredients for success. Let’s call them table stakes; the minimal entry requirement for success.

They are?

Drum roll please…

It must be safe to aspire, and it must be safe to volunteer.

That’s it.

The rest is negotiable.

Sure, it helps if you have a pristine beach or a city with what they call “good bones.”

Universities and cultural amenities are cool and good schools are a huge advantage but if volunteering is treacherous, you’re toast. If aspiration is anathema, you’re DOA.

Not only won’t you move forward, but everything that you’ve managed to build is in danger if citizens who aspire feel it’s dangerous, frustrating, or downright impossible to invest or volunteer.

I’m afraid that’s where we’ve been in Delray Beach. We’re digging out, but we have work to do.

It reminds me of that old saying: There’s a reason why we can’t have nice things—just yet anyway.

It’s hard to build community when there are elements who just won’t accept facts.

Of course, we are entitled to our opinions, but you really can’t have your own facts and function properly. The Earth is not flat and nobody at Old School Square took a dime of taxpayer money and stuffed it into their pockets. All public money given the organization was earned after services were rendered. For years, volunteers raised 75-80 percent of the money used to run our cultural arts center and did all the work, now the taxpayer pays 100 percent. That’s a fact.

The volunteers didn’t stick the taxpayers with a bill for the renovation of the Crest Theatre either. That project was funded by a generous donor who had a pie thrown in her face and withdrew her money.

Now the taxpayers must ante up millions for projects that were privately funded through the efforts of Old School Square.

If you’re an arsonist, you shouldn’t be able to burn down a house and then blame others for the destruction you caused.

Old School Square fired back at the latest pie in the face by stating the facts. That was the right thing to do.

But the larger issue is the pie throwing itself;  the larger issue is the sense that if you fall on the wrong side of the political divide, you face peril.

It’s not fun to write that sentence, but building anything of value requires radical candor. Problems don’t magically go away, if left unaddressed, they fester. In our community, we have a bad habit of just trying to plow forward. We skip the healing part, we skip the analysis and we sacrifice the learning and the reconciliation that’s possible if we talk through issues and try and find the lessons in painful moments.

The new composition of the city commission is making strides. We have kind people serving on the city commission. Our city and our world need empathetic leadership at every level.

I am not asking for some kumbaya moment. But I’m thinking we should take advice from Otis Redding and try a little tenderness.

Robust debate is healthy and necessary. If you see something you don’t like, speak out, even if you shake when you do so.

We can disagree. We can even compromise, imagine that?

But we cannot be successful if volunteers don’t feel safe to serve or disagree.

You can say Old School Square made mistakes, but if you are alleging corruption, you better bring the goods.

Margaret Atwood who wrote “The Handmaid’s Tale” is an expert communicator on dystopias and utopias.

She says we have a choice.

“Writing dystopias and utopias is a way of asking the reader the question, “where do you want to live?” she recently said. “And where you end up living is going to depend partly on what you do now.”

Yes indeed. What do we do right now?

We have a choice.

I hope we choose kindness and support those who value building a community where it is safe to dream, volunteer, invest and aspire.

If we don’t, there will be nobody to throw pies at, volunteers and those who aspire will find somewhere else to give their time, talent and treasure. We will lose what took decades to build. We already have when it comes to Old School Square.

 

 

 

Living The 4 S’s

For more information visit www.4kids.us

We just went to a great event celebrating the important work of 4 Kids, a non-profit whose mission is to help children in crisis find a safe place to live.

I’ve been impressed with the leadership of the organization for quite some time and I owe my friend Karen Granger a debt of gratitude for introducing me to the world of 4Kids. We have a lot of children in our community who desperately need our help.

Karen, who used to serve as the president of the Delray Chamber, works for 4 Kids. She’s been a wonderful ambassador for the organization and has convinced several of my friends to get involved.

My company, CDS International Holdings, helped 4 Kids find office space in Delray and we are so proud of the work they are doing which has made it easier for families in southern Palm Beach County to access critical services.

I’ve been especially impressed by 4Kids President Kevin Enders, who has run the non-profit for the past five years.

Kevin comes from the private sector and he brings a business like focus to the mission while also exhibiting a great passion for children. It’s a great combination of heart and business rigor.

At the event–held at the magnificent Waterstone Hotel in Boca Raton—Mr. Enders talked about what makes an organization work well.

Borrowing from the work of Dr. Curt Thompson, author of “Anatomy of the Soul,” Kevin reminded us that people need four things to feel whole; the 4 S’s.

They need to be “seen”, they need to feel “safe”, they need to be “secure” and they need to be “soothed”.

I was touched by that formula and it’s been on my mind ever since.

And while it applies to non-profits, I think it also works for businesses, families and communities too.

So let’s spend a moment unpacking the formula.

People need to be seen.

We have a need to feel valued, respected, loved and understood. It’s important that we take the time to do so.

But while awards and official recognition are great, it’s the daily care that matters the most. In our busy world, it’s easy to glide through the day and neglect those we love and value. We need to be conscious about “seeing” these special people and letting them know how important they are. This is a simple concept, but so often we fail. Just this morning, a friend reached out to let me know they hadn’t heard from me lately. I felt terrible about it, but I was grateful to be made aware. We need to tend to our relationships.

Likewise, we all suffer setbacks and it’s important that we are soothed by our community or organization or family when the inevitable trials occur. I can personally testify to the power of soothing to heal the body and the mind. When I was seriously ill with Covid, the messages of support I received helped me through the ordeal. Love heals.

In addition, we need to feel safe and secure in our homes, communities and careers.

The trait I most value in a teammate or a co-worker is the ability to feel that I can make a mistake or  that I can be vulnerable and say I need help.

I’m fortunate to be surrounded by a team that allows me to learn and doesn’t make me feel bad or in danger when I turn to them and say “I can’t figure this out, can you help?”

Organizations get in trouble when people feel that they can’t make a mistake and that they have to pretend they know it all or risk their role. In reality, there’s a lot of wisdom in saying you don’t know what you don’t know. Smart people ask for help, not so smart people pretend they know it all.

I think the 4 S’s are a good prism to assess where we are in the various parts of our lives.

What are we getting and what are we missing in our jobs, communities, volunteer efforts etc.

I think a major issue in our nation is our inability to see others, especially those who are different or hold opposing views.

Similarly, it seems like the other S’s are related. It’s hard to feel safe, secure or soothed if you are not seen. The four go together.

I’m sure there are many other things we can think of as must haves. But the four S’s seem like a solid start.

I hope you have them all—-in abundance. And if you don’t, I hope you work hard to bring these traits into the lives of others.

 

 

 

Fragility

Dennis Byrd was an inspiration to many.

Dennis Byrd was an inspiration to many.

In 1992, Dennis Byrd,  a talented defensive lineman for the New York Jets was paralyzed after a vicious collision on the field.
Byrd was a talented player and only 26 when his career ended in a flash.

The injury hit many of my friends very hard.
While a few were Jets fans, the reason Byrd’s injury resonated among our circle was that we had two friends who suffered neck and spinal injuries in freak and tragic accidents the summer after our senior year in high school.
Ten years before, in 1982– within a short time frame– two friends dove into pools–one broke his neck and was nearly paralyzed and the other was paralyzed and later passed away from complications related to the injuries.
It was devastating.
One friend came crazy close to paralysis–centimeters–and ended up in a “halo” for a fairly long period of time. At the time–as the cliché goes– we felt immortal and many of us took some crazy risks as 17-18 year old boys tend to do.
And our friend, well over six feet, athletic and strong as a bull, seemed proof to me of our invincibility. I learned the day of the pool party that he wasn’t.
Our other friend– not as close– but a guy we knew well and really liked since we were little guys wasn’t as fortunate. He was paralyzed from the initial injury and didn’t last long.
It was brutally sad. You couldn’t have found a nicer kid. He too was young and athletic.
So when Byrd was hurt on the field a decade later it brought forth a flood of memories. And fears. At least for me.
One time, for a newspaper story at the old Delray Times, I underwent hypnosis and was later told I talked extensively about being in a wheelchair unable to move.
When I shared that experience with my mom she told me that when I was a small child she would often see me staring at people in wheelchairs and would have to tell me to stop looking.
Apparently, one time a man in a chair noticed me looking and called me over. My mom told me I walked toward him and he asked me if I had any questions.
I asked him what was it like to not be able to walk, run and play sports. My mom was mortified. But the man laughed and said it was OK to ask. He said that in his dreams he ran and played basketball and that’s why he often looked forward to sleep.
It was a teachable moment. And my mother said the lesson was to be grateful for what you have and can do. She said never take anything for granted. She might have mentioned to be careful;  a lesson that I probably didn’t immediately absorb considering an ill fated sky diving accident I had a few years later. (Another story for another time).
Dennis Byrd rehabbed and through medical intervention and sheer will learned to walk again. They honored him at the stadium a year or so later and even made a TV movie about his struggle to walk again.
Last week, he was killed in a car accident in Oklahoma. Hit by a 17 year old teenage boy who lost control of his vehicle and struck Byrd’s truck.
Dennis Byrd was 50.
A sad ending for an inspirational guy.
I read recently about a spike in auto fatalities.

Experts blame a lot of the spike on distracted drivers. Locally, I see a lot of aggressive driving. The two most dangerous things I do most days is make a left out of my neighborhood onto Lake Ida Road having to account for four lanes of traffic moving in opposite directions and often flying through a school zone. The other dangerous move is turning into my office on Second Avenue in Boca …fearful of slowing down to turn into the driveway… with speeding drivers tailgating. Why are we in such a hurry?
I’m not sure of the precise details of the Byrd accident. Frankly I found it too sad to delve into further. I just know he’s gone.
And it reminds me of how fragile we all are. One friend dives into a pool and lives, another dies. A young football player takes a hit and suffers greatly only to be taken from this world on a lonely Oklahoma highway.

It makes you think.

We’re Asking Too Much Of Officers

Baton

It’s Monday morning.

Another weekend of carnage in America. Another three police officers murdered. Another three shot in Baton Rouge.
When the news flashed, I thought immediately of Dallas Police Chief David Brown. His words ring truer every day.
“We’re asking cops to do too much in this country,” the police chief said at a briefing last Monday. “We are. Every societal failure, we put it off on the cops to solve. Not enough mental health funding, let the cops handle it. Here in Dallas we got a loose dog problem, let’s have the cops chase loose dogs. Schools fail, let’s give it to the cops. That’s too much to ask. Policing was never meant to solve all those problems.”
Chief Brown is correct. 
In Delray too, we ask a whole lot of our police. And our firefighters too.

Someone overdoses on heroin let the cops and paramedics save them. No facilities for the homeless guy who scares you, no worries call the cops, they’ll deal with it.
We want our cops to live in our city but we don’t pay them enough to live here and if you mention the need for workforce housing–which almost always requires density– we adopt policies that make sure it will never happen. (I’m holding out hope for Congress Avenue).
And when it comes time to compensate them we cry poverty and moan about their pensions.
Are pension liabilities a concern? You betcha, a big one, so why not roll up our sleeves and help solve the issue because you can’t just wish it away and the men and women who protect and serve us deserve security when they retire. If you have financial acumen think of applying for the pension board, maybe you can help. But don’t begrudge a cop or a firefighter if they have a pension. They earn it.
It’s a tough season to be a police officer in America. It’s a tough season for everyone period.
Last week I had the occasion to speak to several officers. They are aching for their brothers and sisters in Dallas and now in Baton Rouge.
When I was on the City Commission we solved a serious attrition and recruitment issue with a package that included take home cars for officers who lived in Delray or within a few miles of the city. The literature at the time showed that having police cruisers in neighborhoods lowered crime and was popular with residents who felt safer living in a neighborhood populated with officers.
I believed that, still do.
But last week, I heard from a few officers who were concerned about bringing their cars home. They were worried about being targeted. They had read reports from around the country that police cars were being vandalized.
It’s heartbreaking to hear.
Our community has been largely supportive of our Police Department for a long time now.
I’m not referring to politics and labor negotiations –which have been good and bad over the years depending on the players involved– but about the larger community which seems to get how important our police officers are to the welfare of our city.
Every chance I get (this time included) I like to credit our officers for creating a safer city which enabled our turnaround to take place. If a community doesn’t  feel safe, you can’t attract investment or families. It’s just that simple.
But these days, there’s an overall feeling of unease in America. We are not immune.
We have so much work to do. So much trust to restore. So much fear and hatred to overcome.
We shouldn’t rest until every boy and every girl is given real opportunity. We shouldn’t rest until and every man and woman goes to bed knowing they can find a job and if not they will still have a roof over their head and food for their families.
Is that asking too much in a country with our resources and ingenuity?
I don’t think so. I don’t believe most Americans feel this way either.
We wrote last week, that while our national politics were a mess, there was hope for progress in our cities. 
So we have to get to work. We have to create a community of opportunity for everyone. 
We have to be focused on jobs, education, strengthening families, enriching our cultural opportunities and restoring civility. Have you seen a city commission meeting lately?
Too often instead of debate, we engage in coarse, personal attacks. We label people, dismiss them, call them self serving or worse. We can do better. We have done better.
It’s going to take work. It’s going to take vision and investment. It’s going to take dialogue and a commitment to understanding. More people have to be engaged in the important work of community building.  
It starts with engagement and dialogue. But it doesn’t end there. It doesn’t end period. We have to keep  working. There are problems to solve and we can do it. There are opportunities to create and we know how to do that as well.
We can’t just leave it for the cops to handle. They need our help. Now.